No It Isn't
by amongstbrokenwords
Summary: Sara gets a new life. New friends, new style, and possibly a new romance. But can Grissom let her go? Will he finally be able to show her how he feels, or will he let her go into the arms of someone truly unique? Warning: femmeslash. chose your own ending
1. No It Isn't

_So, my first CSI fic... it's not particularly true to the characters, but I've tried to keep it as CSI-ish as I could, considering the direction I plan on taking it.  
Obviously all the characters you recognise aren't owned by me, otherwise I wouldn't be sat on the couch writing fanfic, I'd be sat on set watching Grissom & Sara get funky :P  
Or having travelled back in time, watching Mulder & Scully.... phwoar :)  
They'll probably make a cameo at some point. Or at least be mentioned!  
It's obviously going to end up GSR, but there will be a detour along the way, with a bit of Sara/other character... possibly the suggestion of femmeslash, but I won't allow anything to happen... I'm kind of mean like that.  
This fic will definitely consist of A LOT of lyrics, mostly Marilyn Manson (because of Eric Szmanda/Greg) and a fair amount of +44 (because they're pretty damn awesome)  
I recommend you listen to them, it may help you understand where my crazy ideas come from!  
But yeah, this is the longest fic I've written so far, I'll let you know how many chapters are going to appear when I finish it._

**Spoilers for:** anyhing up to Organ Grinder - possibly others but nothing major about the case, just quotes here & there.  
**Rating** will end up M  
**Summary:** Sara gets a life, thanks to Greg. But can Grissom let her go?

**READ & REVIEW PLEASE**

* * *

"Uuh Sara?" Greg grabbed her arm, smiling nervously.

"What's up Greg?" Sara smiled as she stirred her 3rd coffee of the shift.

"I was just - uh- wondering if you'd like to come out with me next Thursday. I -errr noticed it was your night off, and well, I've got a couple of free passes to my mates gig and well, wondered if you'd like to come with me..." he trailed off, waiting for her response.

The hesitation was clear on her face.

"Whoa, wait, I didn't mean like a... well, just as friends, y'know. Make a night of it, you & me, hit the town".

"I err - well, sure, but right now, I've got to get to Trace & follow up on the fibres Warrick found, but if you let me know the details, I'll join you. We'll have a good time"

Greg smiled.

"Sure. I'll pick you up on Thursday then. I'll take you out on the greatest night of your life." He bowed his head, as if to tilt an invisible hat, then bounded out the room.

Sara felt the blood leave her startlingly pink cheeks. Maybe she could find herself a life yet.

* * *

Grissom stopped outside the break room, and burried his face in a folder as Greg bounced past, grining like the cat who'd got a fucking years worth of cream.

Dammit.

Grissom's face was contorted in shock, Sara... and Greg? Wow, that stung. He knew Greg had a thing for her but, Sara, and Greg?

It seemed so ridiculous, but it was definitely less ridiculous than Sara & himself. Sara & Gil. Sara & Grissom. Sara Grissom.

Now that was a leap he'd never taken.

Dr & Mrs Gil Grissom. It had a nice ring to it. Rolled off of the tongue quite easily.

He imagined her smile, as he served her coffee in bed before work, he imagined her padding round his flat, wearing his old College shirt.

He imagined her padding round his flat wearing nothing at all.

_"You know by the time you figure this out, it could be too late..." _

Her words resonated round his head.

He'd figured it out.

But was it too late?

Had he fucked it up again?

Had he lost her?

Could he unfigure it out?

Could they go back to when it was all so simple?

When he just had to look at her and would want to rip off her clothes, irrelevant of where they were.

But he always had it under control. Until now.

Crime scene, break room, the lab, his office, Ecklie's office.

Ecklie's office... Now that was...

"Grissom?" Sara's voice broke his trail of thought.

"You okay? You kinda zoned out there..." her dry Californian accent sent blood south. As usual.

"Grissom?"

"Sorry Sara, I was just... thinking..." His face remained completely calm, but so many emotions were swirling just below the surface. "Look - I... doesn't matter."

"No" Sara prodded, "tell me."

"I...." Grissom paused and closed his eyes.

Sara's eyes lit up, the possibilities running through her mind. Could he be asking her...

"I was just thinking we haven't talked in a while. Are you still talking to the PEAP counsellor?"

"Errr - no. Not any more... why? I'm fine to work." Her tone got defensive.

Grissom just watched her. as if she was another of his bugs, another of his studies, she fascinated him in a way that was both bizarre and expected.

"Okay". Gil's face remained passive, as he watched Sara watch him.

A hint of a smile, and he twisted on his heel, striding back to his office, fully aware of Sara's confused gaze following him.

_"Is this another one of your riddles?" Sara had asked. She was pissed, and he could see it. She was pissed at the DA, pissed at the case, pissed at the world. _

_"One of life's riddles."_

_Pissed at Grissom._

Grissom was one of life's riddles.

* * *

Greg mussed his spikes again in his car mirror, as he steadily drove towards Sara's place. Yeah, he knew he had no chance, but still...

_"Catherine, do you think Sara would ever go out with me?"  
_

_"Sure", Catherine smiled, "as long as you don't tell her it's a date?"_

Greg smiled as the memory. He had tried to ask her out for dinner back then... god that was awkward. Particularly when he bumped into Grissom. When Grissom turned to him, with that ice cold stare, and the whole _"You want to clue me in?" _ line, Greg saw his life flash before his eyes. Somehow he managed to stutter his way through the panic and lie. Kind of.

It wasn't really a lie. Sara & he were going out for dinner. Just, well, not in the way he implied.

It still made Grissom jealous. Totally worth it.

The speakers pumped out the lyrics to The Beautiful People. Marilyn Manson, for all his weirdness was definitely a genius.

Slowly rolling up in front of Sara's flat, he turned down the volume, and switched the song on his iPod. He didn't want to scare her off. Maybe Heart-Shaped Glasses was more appropriate.

Sara ran her fingers through her hair in front if the full-length mirror. She knew Greg was taking her out to see some rock band, but he hadn't really told her much else.

The black jeans hung low on her slender hips, and her smokey make-up highlighted her mahogany eyes.

Greg knocked on the door.

She donned her old leather jacket and stepped out of her room. Well, tonight was going to be interesting to say the least.

* * *

_Hope you like it so far.. let me know & then I'll know whether to continue. The idea seems great in my head, but not sure what you guys want._

_Ideas & reviews are greatly appreciated._

_**Keep cool **_


	2. Baby Come On

_Just to calm a few of you down, there's no way in hell I'm going to let Greggo get hurt. He's just too darn cute XD_

_Can't help but love the lab rat :)_

* * *

The music pounded, the bar was dark & crowded.

As Greg pushed his way through the hoardes if people, Sara close behind, everyone seemed to know him.

Sara was amazed.

Yeah, she knew he wasn't bad looking, but by god their little lab rat scrubbed up nicely.

Open-collared, black button down shirt, slim black jeans and his trademark spikes... and he had asked HER to accompany him? From the looks he was getting he could've had the pick of any woman in this place. And the men too.

As they reached the bar, Greg merely had to signal to the barman before two drinks were placed out for them with a smile.

Greg placed a $10 bill on the table, with a "Thanks Jimmy" before haning Sara a glass.

Leaning across he yelled over the music "the band are on in five minutes... you wanna stay at the bar or push to the front?"

Shouting over the dying notes of one of the few songs Sara had recognised that night - Alice Cooper's Poison, she grinned and replied it was fine to stay at the bar.

Greg smiled back and downed his drink with a flourish.

* * *

Sara watched as the crowd screamed and 5 musicians stepped on stage.

None of them could have been older than 25.

Greg leant over as they collected their instruments and waited for the yelling to die down

"See the chick on the right, with the red hair playing guitar... she's the one who got me the tickets for tonight..."

Sara was impressed. That girl was hot, and Greg must be really good friends with her. The place was packed.

"How do you two know one another?" she asked, throwing back another shot of whatever concoction the barman had devised.

"Long story" Greg yelled back, as the vocalist grabbed the mic seductively.

"Hey, errr well we're called Jury's Out, and well we're kicking off tonight with a cover for a change, and so, well this is +44..."

The babe Greg knew started playing

"When Your Heart Stops Beating...." the crowd went wild as the drums kicked in, and Greg ginned proudly

"This, Sara," he stated, "is the best damn cover of any song EVER... trust me!"

* * *

Sara laughed as people threw themselves at one another... moshing, dancing, sweating, having fun.

It'd been a long time since Sara had had fun.

It surprised her than she was genuinely enjoying herself.

The atmosphere was good, the company was great, and the music was even better.

She was glad she didn't just mope around her apartment

As usual.

It was good she'd come out. It was fun.

Greg wolf-whistled as Zavvi stepped up to her microphone...

"Errr - hey guys," her soft, husky voice sent shivers down Sara's spine, "I don't really like covers, but I've got a friend here tonight, and well this is one of his favourites... enjoy it Greg"

She stepped back slightly, as the lights dimmed, and a single red beam lit her up.

The music started, as Sara recognised the track from Greg's car earlier.

The chick's voice was deep, husky, haunting, completely erotic.

The way she whisped the words, eyes shut, stage lights dimmed... Sara had never found another woman this attractive.

Hell, Sara had never found ANYONE this attractive, since she met Griss-

No, she wasn't going to think about him tonight.

The lyrics were so damn appropriate.

Greg was cheering manicly.

_"She said kiss me it'll heal, but it won't forget..."_

Sara felt every word rush through her veins...

_"I don't mind you keeping me on pins and needles, if I could stick to you.."_

Maybe it was just the alcohol...

_"And you could stick me too..."_

She had had a lot to drink

_"Just don't break, don't break, my heart..."_

And that stuff the barman was slinging looked potent

_"And I won't break your heart shaped glasses.."_

Sara grinned happily, lightheadedness taking hold

Fuck it, she was allowed to have fun too.

Fuck him.

* * *

Several songs later the band finished on, much to many people's disappointment.

It quickly calmed down as the DJ started up again.

She watched Zavvi slink through the crowd, heading straight towards them.

Panic hit her - shit... what should she say... she wasn't good in situations like these.

The last time she was this starstruck was when she was in college, and Gri-

No, bad Sara. You're not going to think about him.

Concentrate on the present, do I offer her a drink, do I say I liked the music.

Whatever sort of music it was.

She knew nothing about music.

Shit.

"Hey Zav, how're you?" Greg oozed charm as the mystery girl arrived.

"I'm good thanks honey, and yourself?" a faint British accent hid under the dry drawl.

A drink appeared on the bar, out of nowhere. She smiled at the barman.

"Look, I'm heading out for a smoke - you want to come with? We've not talked in time!"

Greg shrugged, and signalled to Sara.

Sara nodded.

It'd be nice to... talk.

* * *

Sara watched with fascination as Zavvi sparked up. It was dualy noted by the other two members of the party.

Slightly embarrassed, Zavvi said "err, would you like one? I've only got menthols, my Marlboro Reds are somewhere backstage..."

To Sara's surprise, she accepted, sparking herself up after years of abstinence. The nicotine rush swarmed through her already foggy thoughts and she found herself strangley confident.

"So, Mr Sanders, are you not planning to introduce me to your talented friend here?"

Woah Sidle, where the fuck did that come from?

"Errr, yeah" Greg stammered, still in shock to see Sara smoking again. "Err, well Zav, this here is Miss Sara Sidle, criminalist extraordinaire, and this Sara, is my good friend Zavvi, a woman of many talents..."

Zavvi laughed, a deep delicious sound, as Sara smiled her greeting.

"So you work with Greg then? You in the lab aswell?" she asked

"Erm, no I'm a Field Agent, a CSI. What about you? Full-time musician?" Sara replied throatily.

"God no! I'm with the Feds. I just finished my training like 6months ago, so Vegas is my first field office."

"Awesome, I almost joined the Bureau... but I decided to stick to forensics"

"Nice," Zavvi responded. "I considered all your science-y stuff, ended up get a Bachlors in Forensic Psychology though."

"Where did you study?"

"At John Jay in New York... what about you?"

"Oh, I got into Harvard..." Sara trailed off blushing slightly

"Wow. Major jealousy!" Zavvi grinned

Greg watched the interaction intently, with a knowing smirk.

He had never seen Sara trying so hard to impress.

He had never seen Zavvi trying so hard to impress.

This was going to be interesting.

Sara continued, "It's just you sound kind of..."

"-Upper Clarss British?" Zavvi put on a comical, snobby accent, causing Sara to smirk and Greg to splurt out his drink with laughter.

"Why yess, in farct, I am very close friends with the Queen..."

Sara cracked, and started to laugh, but coughing on the smoke.

"Nah man, I'm actually English, but moved over here for College, and met the very lovely Gregory Sanders here"

Greg smiled. "Yeah, you were just a lost exchange student wandering the streets when I found you. Saved you from the terror of New York City, and all the bad bad people..."

"You so wish Greggo... you know I could kick your ass anyday!"

"Nu-uh Zav, I'm built. Trust me, I could kick your ass blindfolded!"

Sara laughed, content in the moment.

"Uh, look, I'm getting another drink, anyone want anything?" Greg collected the 3 empty glasses.

"Babe, do you fancy a pitcher of Jagerbomb?"

Greg grinned. "You know what transpired last time we drunk that!"

Zavvi laughed.

Sara looked confused, "What's Jagerbomb?"

"Trust me Sara, you'll like it. Whack it on the band's tab Greggo"

Greg grinned and disappeared.

"Ahh man, the last time me & Greggo hit the Jagers... we were so fucked man. I think I dragged him to a gay bar or something, I just remember him asking me why he had a sparkly silver mans thong in his pocket the next morning!"

Sara spluttered. "You better not drag me to any strip bars! Gay or otherwise!"

"Babe, we were completely gone! I'm never getting that drunk again. Never! As of to taking you to a strip bar..." Zavvi smirked and raised her eyebrow "...we'll see!"

* * *

_duhn-duhn-duhnnnnnnn!_

_We will see lol_

&& for anyone who's read my GA/DD Journeys Fic, yes Zavvi is going to be making repeat appearances, but none of the stories are actually linked.  
E.G. she doesn't know Gillian in this fic, & she doesn't know Greg in Journeys fic :)  
She's just too damn awesome not to use again...

_**READ & REVIEW AND GOOD THINGS WILL HAPPEN :)  
**I promise!!_

_**Keep Cool** _


	3. Lycanthrope

Right, here we go. New chapter :)

I know there not quite to character, but I'm working on that. Remember the fun-loving Greg back around about Season 1/2

Particularly the episode "Table Stakes" (probably because I just watched it) where Greg dances in the hat, and Sara is grouchy but chilled because of lack of sleep. And at the end of that epi, where Sar is all angsty because of Grissom flirting with Sofia... no worries, angst is yet to come, just have patience people :) And please feedback.

**Note:** the music is from up until present day, but I want to set this around about Season 1/2. Simply because the music kicks ass & I can relate the characters to it, so please don't hate.

* * *

_Sara spluttered. "You better not drag me to any strip bars! Gay or otherwise!"_

_"Babe, we were completely gone! I'm never getting that drunk again. Never! As of to taking you to a strip bar..." Zavvi smirked and raised her eyebrow "...we'll see!"_

Greg squinted as the world swayed from side to side...  
"Man, tomorrow morning is gonna hurt..." Sara slurred, rubbing her mahogany eyes as she desperately tried to walk in a straight line to get backstage.

"Grissom is so gonna kill us..." Greg spluttered.

Sara didn't respond.

Zavvi watched the females CSI's face fall at his comment. They were so slaughtered. Man, these criminalists could not hold their liquour. Admittedly, her own head was slightly fuzzy, and she would laugh at completely inappropriate times, but she was fine. She was sober enough to know that this Grissom guy was something not to discuss. Yet.

Quite a smart decision considering she'd drunk more than them.

Must be something to do with practice, Zavvi thought.

"Look guys, my pad's only round the corner if you want to crash. I just gotta get my stuff, but your welcome to come back."

Sara looked at Greg.

"Sure why not," he ventured, interested to see where the night would lead.

* * *

The next morning he realised it lead to a bad movie, eating lots of pizza and passing out on Zavvi's bed.

With Sara next to him.

Thank god he woke first.

Thank god they were both fully dressed.

Thank god he couldn't remember last night.

Sara moaned at the light rushing through the curtains and rolled over, not anticipating the warm, firm body next to her. Something was wrong.

Why was Greg in her bed?

Wait, this wasn't her bed.

Who's bed was she in?

And who was playing drums in her head?

Before she could ask Greg to recount last nights events, before begging him never to speak of them again, the door crashed open.

"Good morning Starshine, the earth says hello!", Zavvi grinned as the two CSI's cowered away from the noise & light.

It was good to have high alcohol tolerance.

The two steaming cups of coffee were thrust towards them, as Zavvi pulled the blinds shut, blocking out all the light in the room.

"Sorry about the noise guys, I keep trying to get Sam to soundproof his room, but will he listen? I always seem to end up living in way too close proximity to the drummer!"

Greg grunted in response, as Sara just cruched up her eyes and nodded.

Laughing slightly at the non-commital response from the two figures in her bed, Zavvi pulled a jacket from the back of the chair. "Look, I've got to pop out for about an hour, but you're both welcome to stay, I mean, I've not got anything special planned, and there's fresh towels in the bathroom if you want a shower. Help yourself to whatever cultures happen to be growing in my fridge, yeah?"

Again, two painful grunts eluded from the bed.

Zavvi smirked and strolled out of the flat.

* * *

About 30 minutes later Sara rolled out of bed, her head raging war upon her senses. She'd had hangovers in the past, but god alive, this one topped them all.

Pouring herself a coffee, she silently observed the minimalistic apartment from a small wooden dinner table. Obviously inhabited by Zavvi alone, the room said volumes. With clean white walls, and dark hardwood flooring, everything seemed to be in its place, from the acoustic guitar slung in the corner to the multitude of books on the shelf.

There was no photos though. Well, Sara had seen one of what must have been Zavvi's parents back in her bedroom, but other than that they were all cityscapes and canvases. Not one photo of Zavvi herself to be found. The apartment had a strange empty-yet-lived in feel. The whole place was a contradiction, smothered in an oxymoron. It was clinical & clean, yet had a warm, loved feel to it. There were no unique personal items with which one could identify the owner, and yet Sara couldn't see anyone except this Special Agent-cum-Rockstar living there. It was unique in it's ambiguity.

The dark, comfy couch had blankets and a pillow slung over it - obviously she had slept there. An acoustic guitar rested against the wall near-by. Half covered in ink, well wishes and comments from friends scarred the bleached wood. A thin laquer covered it preserving the names, and probably preserving her memories. It was the only item in the whole flat that spoke of her past. Somehow Sara couldn't envision her new friend as a child, as a teenager, as an old lady. Zavvi just... was.

She canvassed the room, enjoying the spacious open plan living-cum-kitchen area. Investigating slightly, she established that just off of Zavvi's bedroom was the bathroom, currently ocupied by Greggo. By the sounds of things, he liked to sing in the shower. Finding a door branching off from the main room locked, Sara moved on to a small closet containing a hoover & mop and stacks of books, at the back of the kitchen. It was all strangely domesticated - from what she remeber of last night & this morning, Sara struggled to picture Zavvi hoovering her bedroom or bleaching toilets.

* * *

Greg towelled his hair roughly, as his tanned body dripped shower water onto the floor. The hangover gongs in his head were certainly less painful now, the water soothing and calming him. Wrapping a towel round his waist, he cursed as he saw the dirty clothes from the night before. Without really thinking, he stepped out of the bathroom, straight into Sara's path.

"Oh -er.. hi Greg", Sara's eyes couldn't help but flicker over his body.

"Hi Sar, I -err, well I was looking for something, erm to wear. Sorry..." feeling incredibly self-concious, he shuffled his feet slightly, and watched Sara drag her eyes back to his face.  
Greg's body was well.. wow. He was lightly tanned, much like a surfer, with the thin beaded twine round his neck. His blondish hair spiked in all directions, and his chest was smooth, except just a few beads of water.

"Don't mind me", Sara stuttered, desperately trying to get a grip of herself. "Is it cool if I grab the shower next?"

"Yeah, sure. Do you want to rifle through Zav's drawers with me first? Get something clean to change into?"

"She won't mind?" Sara seemed skeptical. "I wouldn't want to intrude like..."

"Nah, Zav's cool. She won't mind."

Greg pulled open one of the top drawers, scouting through numerous, mainly black, shirts. Pulling out a relatively large one, he smiled at the geeky quote..._ "Duct Tape is much like the force, it has a dark side and a ligt side, and it holds the universe together"_

Sara smiled appreciatively as she searched for something to wear herself. She picked up a light grey shirt and read the slogan aloud. _"Wanted: Evil genius seeks minions to sacrifice their live in a world domination attempt. Must be prepared to work 24-7 for fascist psychopath for no pay. Messy death inevitable, but costumes an laser death rays provided. No weirdos."_

Greg laughed as he found another one saying _"Schrodingers cat IS dead" _

Sara smiled before selecting an old-school _"Frankie says relax"_ shirt and turning to go for a shower. Greg sniggered at some more of the outrageous collection of slogans, before throwing open Zavvi's wardrobe doors in an attempt to find some sweatpants.

A collection of more conservative work clothes and suits greeted him, the numerous blazer jackets, simple white blouses and black skinny jeans, somehow screamed Zavvi.

Greg located a large pair of gray sweatpants - it was lucky he and Zavvi were a similar height - and slipped them on.

* * *

Sara felt awkward as she stepped into the shower, the citrus scent lingering from Gregs usage of Zavvi's shampoo. She reached for the body wash, feeling incredibly vulnerable in her nudity. The warm water soothed her throbbing head but she couldn't shake the feeling of exposure. The locked door troubled her. It was none of her business, but still managed to win her curiosity.

Sara stepped out into the bedroom, and saw Greg spread out on the couch, drinking what smelt like fresh coffee.

Leaning against the door frame, her damp curls framing her face she spoke softly. "So, what's the story behind you and Zavvi then?"

Greg twisted round to see Sara stood in the slightly tight Frankie Goes To Hollywood shirt and a pair of black jeans. "I'm sure I told you last night."

"Yeah, but not much really. Other than you met in New York."

"You like her don't you?:" Greg questionned.

"She seems really... nice" Sara paused. "I guess I don't really have any friends, it'd be nice to have some one to, I dunno, talk to I guess."

Greg smiled sympathetically. "Don't worry Sara, Zav kinda has that effect on everyone. Nothing to be ashamed off," he teased, "You just have a girl-crush..."

"I do not" Sara grabbed a nearby cushion and threw it at hit disgruntledly.

Greg chuckled.

"Look, to be honest, I don't really know that much about her. I suppose it's her story to tell really. She just never has. Not in the six years I've known her. Not even when she's been so drunk she probably should've had her liver pumped. I - I guess I don't really know that much about her. Hell I don't even know her freaking birthday."

Greg sighed dejectedly, before continuing.

"Look, about 6 years ago, I was living in New York, doing work placement at a lab there for Uni. I was just walking down one of the back streets when this chick approached me. I don't know what it was really, she just had those luminous gray eyes that just seemed so pained, I just felt the need to help her, as she struggled with a guitar case and a single backpack."

Greg chuckled at the memory, as Sara watched his face intently.

"I guess you reminded me of her. Back when we first met y'know. When she was so damn determined to succeed. You two even looked kind of similar. She just had that half-smile I guess. She asked me where she could exchange currency. The british accent... startled me. It was just so unexpected. She just looked so comfortable & confident about where she was, like she knew the area intensively. I - I walked her to the station, but she didn't really talk much. She did insist on buying me drink though."  
Greg closed his eyes, as he watched the scene in technicolour.

_"Errrm, thanks hon. Look, can I get you a drink or something. Just to say thanks." _

_Greg looked puzzled. He had only just become legal to drink & there was no way in hell she was old enough. "Sure, I guess. But first you gotta tell me your name." Greg grinned._

_"Oh, sure. You can call me Zavvi."  
_

_"I'm Greg. So, where abouts are you staying?"_

_"I don't know. I'll probably just crash down in some hotel or something. My apartment isn't available for another month or so. I- I guess I should've waited before flying out." Zavvi looked down, her dark brown hair slipping down over her face._

_"You could stay with me.." The words came out before Greg could even think about them. _

_"Thanks, but you don't even know me... hell I only entered the country about 8 hours ago. I have a backpack and an acoustic guitar, and you're offering me a place to stay? I mean, I appreciate it and everything, but you don't have to help me out of politeness." she smiled as Greg shuffled his feet._

_"I know, but I want to help you. Just crash at mine for tonight at least. It's nowhere special, just a small flat with a couple of other guys. And then tomorrow, we can sort you somewhere more permanent out yeah?"_

_"Cheers," Zavvi smiled apprehensively, and linked arms with the floppy haired you lab tech._

Greg snapped back to the present day.

"We, we went to this bar. I don't know how she did it, but no-one asked her for ID. Ever. Everytime I went up to the bar they practically demanded hundreds of different types of ID, but Zav, she just had to talk to them, and we'd get drinks on the house, staff discounts, VIP areas, everything. It wasn't even like she was flirting with them, it was just who she was I guess. She stayed with me for almost 2 months. When I look back now, some of the stuff we did was crazy, we had so much fun. But one night, near the end, she just broke down I guess. The facade I knew so well started to crack, and she, she was broken. She wasn't Zavvi, she was more real, more human even. I suppose that's what did it for me. Now, I would go to the ends of the earth just to see that broken girl again. That sounds fucked up doesn't it? That I want to see her in pain? But that's not it. Because everytime I see her, I know she's in pain, but that one time she actually let go, she seemed at peace. Free. I, I don't know Sara. Zavvi, she's great and everything, but she's also bad news in a way. Just don't let yourself get in too deep, because no matter how hard you try, no-one can get her to open up. The only thing close to her other than work is the bottom of a bottle. I know for a fact that we didn't drink the 20-odd bottles of various spirits that are in the bin. I just don't know how to help her. I just want my best friend back again."  
Sara smiled sympathetically.

"Thanks Greg." She watched the tear slip down the young mans face. In her heart she knew she should rightfully be mad at this captivating stranger, but it was too late. Zavvi had got under her skin.

* * *

Zavvi lent her back to the door, as Greg's words sunk in. She had returned just in time to hear about the bar. Those days flashed past her eys much like a daydream. Before she knew it she was huddled on the floor, tears streaming down her face.

She was broken. There was no changing that.

The past was set in stone.

But the future... now that left room for possibilities.

* * *

_Am I to continue with this? Because yeah, it's currently OOC but I just need to develop the relationships between characters before they become more accurate. In the second epi where Cath met Sara, and it was slightly awkward but friendly? Think of that but less awkward, and more charismatic alcohol-induced flirtatious :P_

**FEEDBACK IS MY REASON TO LIVE, **_so just do it!_  
Even if it's just a **:)** or **:'(** so I know what you people want from me!  
**Keep Cool x**


	4. 155

**And I'm back :) Hope everyones well, and this story is keeping people interested. It's a bit slow to start off with, but it'll pick up speed as it progresses. It looks like it's going to be a long one, with several character storylines involved. So it's all fun.**

**Please review though. If you write, you'll know how much feedback can mean to a writer, if you don't write, trust me it seriously does mean a lot :)**

**It doesn't have to be much, just a simple "it's great" or "it sucks" will do the trick. :)**

* * *

Hours later, Sara's head still throbbed as she slowly processed the B&E evidence. It was an open-and-closed case, but they still had to do the legwork. It was obviously the victim's neighbour - hell, the guy still had the stolen TV in his back room when the LEO's arrived.

Sighing, she labelled the evidence bag and pinched the bridge of her nose.

She knew that Grissom knew. Well, at least she knew he thought she'd been drinking. He didn't know she wasn't alone. Bless him, Greg had seemed equally hungover when she went to ask him about running the blood from a smashed mirror. He however wasn't being watched by Grissom 24/7.

It wasn't really that Grissom was doing anything, but simply his presence and constant observation was more than enough to make her feel uneasy.

Admittedly, some of it was in a good way.

Occasionally, when he'd accidentally stand too close, or brush against her, and she could feel his heat sending tingles down her spine.

_No, _Sara chastised herself, _thinking shit like that is NOT going to help you move on... you know where you stand, and even if he did feel the same, this is not the time or place..._

_

* * *

_

Greg ran Warricks 10th DNA sample as his phone buzzed in his jeans pocket. The young scientist rubbed the bridge of his nose as he read the text.

"Hey Greggo, hope your heads aren't hurting too bad! Just wondering if you & Sara want to come over for a bit when you finish up tonight. Say hi to her from me, Zav x" Greg may have smiled, but his liver certainly didn't. He knew there'd be alcohol involved if he went over. There always was with Zavvi. At least it was only alcohol now. Back in New York... well, calling them illegal substances was a bit strong, but in the eyes of the law... not that he'd ever have touched the stuff.

A quick page to Sara and moments later she was through the door, Grissom hovering over her like a shadow.

"Greggovski... What ya got for me??"

"Hey Sar, I ermm got your DNA from the smashed mirror. It's a match." He pulled the emerging piece of paper from the printer and smiled.

"Great, this should be enough to secure a case to the DA, cheers Greggo."

Grissom wavered there, watching the conversation between the two friends, jealous but also content to see them both so happy. When did life becom so complicated??

"Sara," Greg dragged out the vowels with a smirk on his lips. "I just got a text from your _good __friend _Zavvi, wanting to know if we fancy going over for a drink later. You up for it?"

Greg's eyebrows danced, as Sara looked caughted in the headlights. Maybe a little too much emphasis on "good friend"?

"Err, yeah sure, if you want. Not sure what time I finish though, paperwork and stuff y'know"

"Sure. I'll just text her back..." Grissom coughed, and wrinkled his brow. "... when I'm on break."

Sara laughed and picked up the papers before heading back to her office, leaving Grissom looking lost and a trifle confused, stood alone in the busy hallway.

* * *

"The next left... I think," Greg looked at the scrappy, hand-drawn map, as Sara sighed.

"Look, Greg, do you actually have any idea where we are?"

There was a moments pause.

"No."

Sara looked over, to see Gregs wide brown eyes. She couldn't help it. She laughed.

They were completely fucked. Lost in Vegas - hell, not even the tourists got lost in Vegas.

"Is it just me, or do you recognise that bar on the corner?" Sara frowned, desperately trying to recall buildings from the trip home this morning, however Zavvi's driving had left much to aspire. God knows where she learnt to drive because taking T-Junctions at 50mph was definitely not part of Sara's driving test.

"I - I think so... it's the next road on the right. Yeah - that's it!" Greg pointed at the neat block of apartments, with the sleek, black, obviously-goverment-issue saloon car parked hap-hazardly outside, next to a overspilling box of empty bottles.

Yep, they'd definitely found it.

* * *

Zavvi pushed open the clean, white door as Greg & Sara stood there waiting.

"Hey guys. Good day at work?" she smirked. They groaned simultaneously.

"I hate DNA..." Greg muttered.

"Well at least you didn't have Grissom on your trail all day, like the ethanol-sniffer dog parade."

Zavvi laughed at the enthusiastic response. "Sucks to be CSI"

"That's a good point..." Sara paused. "Do you ever even GO to work? I mean, your head must be throbbing after last night... hell you drunk both me AND Greg under the table, how are you still walking?!" a smile spread across her lightly tanned face.

"Ahhh, Miss Sidle... What you don't understand is that us English folk, differ slightly to you. Where you have the problem of too much alcohol in your blood system, I have the problem of too much blood in my alcohol system. Therefore I function perfectly well even under the most extreme circumstances. Besides while you and Greggo were passed out in my bed, I was busy and working, and continued all day."

Sara frowned slightly. "How could you have been working... I mean, yeah, you weren't as wasted as us, but there's no way in HELL could you've functioned enough to work. Besides, what could you have done, whilst you weren't at the office?"

Zavvi smiled mysteriously. "I rarely go to the office at the minute. Hence the band - I need something to keep me entertained. But I have everything I need here."

Sara opened her mouth, about to question further, but was shocked into silence by Zavvi's slender index finger, pressed vertically across her lips. The urge to lick the digit & pull it into her mouth was incredible. "No more questions for tonight. Now, get your coats off & I'll get you both a drink, yeah?"

* * *

**Ooooohhhhh... looky here now, it looks like it might become a taste of femmeslash, but I really want to finish with GSR. Meh, I reckon a bit of lesbianism will spice it all up a bit :)**

**Like? Dislike? Don't want any F/F? Don't want it to end up GSR? TELL ME ABOUT IT!!!! Feedback is completely adored :)**

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	5. Weatherman

**"use do not abuse, neither absitenence nor excess ever renders man happy" - Voltaire**

**Wow, I'm on fire... 2 chapters in 2 days. That's like a record for me. Depending on how much work I have to do tomorrow, it may even become 3.**

**And I've decided how this story is going to work out, because to be honest, I've been writing this as it came to me, with only a vague idea of what was going to happen. But now, I have it all planned out in my head, with femmeslash and GSR (as in Grissom/Sara)**

**But thankyou to everyone who has reviewed. I am really pleased that the Sara/Zavvi relationship is approved of, because that sounds hot to write :)**

* * *

Greg flopped back into the soft, black armchair, sighing contentedly, as Sara stood in the middle of the room awkwardly. Greg had taken the only chair, and the matching black couch was covered in papers and Zavvi's acoustic.

Desperately hoping noto mess anything up, she gently lifted the guitar and picked up some papers, before surrounding herself with the rest of the junk. Comfily sat amidst the mayhem, Sara absent-mindedly placed the guitar on her lap and started to read the notes.

_"20/20 hindsight vision, isn't making this scene clear. Fighting demons set in the past, these ghosts won't disappear."_

Zavvi's carefree scrawl scribbled out words and phrases, small annotations noting key and tempo. They were obviously lyrics of her own design.

_"Broken hearts and broken knuckles, won't clear up our mess. You're not my knight in fucking armour, I'm not your damsel in distress."_

Sara mumbled the words under her breath, intrigued at the depth of her lyrics. She was amazed at how such a private person could reveal themselves so poetically, so realistically, making something obviously so painful seem just as "ah well, shit happens"

Zavvi's husky tone startled Sara out of her reverie.

"You like it?"

Sara didn't know where to look, guilty for prying, but thrilled to have learnt something new about such a mysterious persona. Hell she was CSI, it was her job to pry.

"Yeah, erm, they're really good. Sorry for reading - y'know.." Zavvi smiled slightly. "So, do you write much?" Sara continued, interested to see how much Zavvi would reveal.

"I - err - yeah I guess. I have stacks of lyrics. It's just a way of venting for me. Anyway, here's your drink." She looked over to Greg, sleeping softly in the corner, before shaking her head slightly and putting a 3rd glass of wine next to the sleeping lab tech.

Sweeping papers to the floor & sitting on the couch next to Sara, she had a drink before gesturing to her old, signed acoustic in Sara's lap.

"I got that when I was 16, when I finished high school. I got all of my friends to sign it, because in my heart I think I knew I would never see most of them ever again." Her slight british intone grew stronger as her voice became quieter and quieter.

"Do you ever miss home?" Sara couldn't resist pushing that little bit further.

Zavvi smiled, but it didn't reach her cool grey eyes. "It wasn't home." There was a sense of finality lingering in her tone. "Anyway, enough about me. Do you play?"

Sara placed down her glass. It was a nice wine. White. Chardonnay possibly. She didn't know that much about wine. She was more of a beer drinker, but this was nice wine.

"Not really. I mean, I'm nowhere near as good as you, but there was a lad at the ho- school -" Sara quickly corrected herself. No-one in Vegas knew about her past, about her time in the multiple childrens homes. Except Grissom or Ecklie that was. But that was only because of paperwork. No-one knew the specifics. "- who taught me a little bit. He gave me his old guitar in exchange for me doing his science homework." Sara laughed slightly.

"Give it a whizz kiddo," Zavvi pointed at the scarred instrument, "What sort of stuff do you play??"

"Ermm, blues-y stuff mainly, just improv I guess." Sara smiled embarrassedly.

"You sing?" Zav knocled back the rest of her wine, and poured herself another glass.

Sara shook her head at the offered alcohol - she had barely touched her drink so far.

"Only when no-one's listening. I'm not a very good singer to be honest."

"Hey, you're probably better than me. I only sing in public if I've got someone to back me up when I miss every single note" Zavvi laughed, and pulled herself to her feet, "be right back. Play away!"

Sara strummed the strings gently as she was Zavvi prowl across the room to the locked door. Pulling a chain of keys from her back pocket, Zav carefully selected one & slipped though the door. Moments later she returned with a glossy black electro-acoustic guitar & a half-empty bottle of burbon.

Sitting down, her soft, grey eyes turned to Greg, who had started to snore softly.

"Bless him, he never was much for pulling multiple all-nighters. When I first came over, I had a gigantic shit-hot student loan, a guitar and enough clothes to last me a couple of weeks. Greggo here probably saved me from ending up a junked-up addict on the streets."

Sar didn't know what to say. "Erm, did you do many, like, drugs and shit?"

Zavvi laughed. "To be honest, it's a fucking good job the bureau never did a hair test on me. I was on a pretty impressive cocktail of anything & everything really. Never spent much, I kept my finances well away from that scene, but bless him, little Gregory freaked out so badly the first time he caught me rolling a joint at his place. From then on, I'd pretty much avoid him when I was out of my face. I was young, stupid, had a bit of a death wish." she laughed half-heartedly. "But on day, I just completely re-evaluated. Now when I feel like I should be jacking up, I write music. I'm all very tame now."

Sara smiled sympathetically. "Can I hear them? The ones I was reading?"

"Err, sure I guess... I mean, it's not particularly good but, I err-" Zavvi looked caught in the headlights. "Okay"

She slowly plucked several strings in a melancholy tone. Her deep husky voice reverberated round the room as she closed her eyes.

_"20/20 hindsight vision, isn't making this scene clear, fighting demons set in the past, these ghosts won't disappear."_

Sara closed her mahogany eyes as the sound breezed over her.

_"Broken hearts and broken knuckles, won't clear up this mess. You're not my knight in fucking armour, I'm not your damsel in distress. _

_Standing out, in the rain, world crumbling at my feet. I can't keep on fighting,accepting defeat._

_You can't fight the future, when it's set in stone_

_Because in the scheme of things, I'm better off alone._

_Lusts a viscious cycle, a paradox of hate. An emotion we all long to feel, a fear we collaborate."_

Zavvi held the last note, as Sara observed her. Her eyes traced the contours of Zavvi's smooth face, her eyelashes presshed down upon her cheeks. Sara could see faint acne scars across her brow, and the brown roots of her firetruck red hair. The dark eye makeup faded out slowly to tanned, golden skin.

Her hair was cut into a spiky bob, with long emo-ish (is that what the kids called it nowadays?) bangs, grazing her thin eyebrows. The red hair barely reached her collar, a white blouse clinging to her curves, in a cool professional way. Sara couldn't help but stare through the material, at Zavvi's rising chest, encased in a lacy red bra.

Pulling her gaze back to Zavvi's face she smiled, really smiled at her.

"That was amazing..."

"It's not really finished yet, but y'know, I guess it's on my to do list" Zavvi couldn't meet Sara's gaze, as she gently continued strumming.

"Anyway, it's your turn to play now." Zavvi looked up and smirked at the panicked expression contorting Sara's face.

* * *

**Moohahahahaha!!!**

**Next chapter will be more Grissom-angsty I think, but who knows. It's not written, so nothings set in stone,**

**Reviews are, as always, ADORED!! The more reviews, the sooner the chapter. I'm a bit lazy you see, I really need motivation to keep writing, so the more you tell what's cool/not cool, the more content and eager to write I am :)**

_**Keep Cool x**_


	6. Interlude

**Hey hey hey guys!!! This is like speed writing, I've never published so many chapters in such a short time!! But anyway, here's the next instalment in this ongoing façade. I chucked in some bitchy Catherine, and miserable Grissom, which will be extended on later in the fic, in much more angsty depth, with all sorts of cool jazz like that.**

**But yeah, thanks to an amazing beta by _Kaylarea_, it was really good working with her & I sincerely hope she'll continue with the rest of this series, and possible future fics :)**

**Hopefully I'll get the next chapter done by early next week, possibly sooner if I sacrifice my alcoholic weekend plans, which I don't see myself doing!**

**Enjoy :)**

* * *

Grissom padded around his empty office, surprised at the silence reverberating around the room. The stacks of books and specimens blocked out the hustle and bustle of the rest of the Vegas lab. That, or his hearing had rapidly decreased in the last 10 minutes.

It was amazingly peaceful without Nick's begs for approval, Greg's crazy antics and ridiculous music, without Warrick's piercingly observant gazes or Sara's strange glances. Everyone had gone, but as always, Gil remained. Warrick was probably at some god damned casino, Nick would be at home talking to his Mom on the phone, and Greg & Sara were out drinking somewhere, with a _"special friend"_.

At least if someone else was there it meant they weren't on a date.

Not that it was any of his business. He was Sara's supervisor for fucks sake, it wasn't his job to care who she was with, in her time off. At least she was taking time off now. Last month her overtime rivalled his.

He had no right to be jealous. Sara was a young, attractive woman. She deserved someone smart, funny, good-looking, someone who genuinely cared for her.

_Someone like me!_

NO! It wasn't right. He had no right to her, she wasn't his to care for, to love, or to worship.

But by god he knew he did. When he allowed his mind to wander, it always seemed to fixate on her. On her soft, caring, beautiful brown eyes, so full of compassion, of care. Her smooth mahogany hair, so shiny and lustrous, so soft to touch. Her exotic scent, slightly fruity, a hint of cinnamon. Nothing else in this world could ever smell so sensual. That cute little gap between her two front teeth, which just emphasised the compulsory "Sidle Smile". It had won everyone's hearts at the lab, just as he knew it would. That one smile made everything seem okay again, because a happy Sara was contagious.

What about her taut body, sophisticated, cat-like? Perfect in every sense. The sleek elegance, her slender, yet still curved hips, designed for his calloused hands alone. Her perfectly flat stomach, and womanly breasts, breasts made for his mouth to pepper kisses up, to worship, to love.

And then there was his favourite part - her mind. Sharp as a razor, second to none. It was as if she and he--

"GRISSOM." The door crashed open, as Catherine burst in. The way the door smashed back, was definitely not a good sign. She was pissed.

"What the fuck happened about me getting next week off! I applied for leave two freaking months ago. For God's sake Gil, can't you do anything? Jesus! I've been promising Lindsay we could go to Disneyland for months Gil. She's -" The feisty blonde exploded in front of him, snapping him out of his Sara-centric state.

"Wait. Slow down Catherine. What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about your god damn incompetence as a supervisor. Two months ago I put in for one weeks vacation time. A week vacation, which I reminded you about three weeks ago, when you still hadn't completed the paperwork for it." Catherine glared over to the piles of unsigned forms cluttering up Grissom's desk, her blonde hair swishing rapidly.

"And then last week, I left TWO FUCKING MEMO'S GIL!! And now, I find out, that I haven't got the vacation time, and now I have to go home, and tell my daughter that we can't go to Disneyland, like her Mommy promised, because Mommy has to work, because Mommy's supervisor can't DO HIS FUCKING JOB!"

"Catherine, for God's sake calm down." Grissom rubbed his temples, letting out a sigh. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't get around to this sooner, but I'll fill in the paperwork now, then I'll put it through personal as top priority. Okay?"

Catherine glared at him, her blue eyes swearing murder. With nothing left to say, she turned on her heel and marched out, slamming the door behind her.

Grissom could feel a migraine come on. It always happened when he collided with the whirlwind of an angry Catherine. Which could hit at anytime.

* * *

"_I met a girl, she turned my world, up-side down. I met a girl, she blew my __mind, everything turned out fine. I met a girl, took her for a whirl, and we got lost in time, a great big world, outside my door, it really is a long, long fall, to the ground, we are flying in slow motion."_

Sara's quiet voice spoke volumes to Zavvi. The warm, gravelly tone was beautiful, and the lyrics said much more than Sara could've ever intended.

"_If I fell, if I fell for you, would you catch my fall, would you wrap your arms around me? if I said, if I told you so, that love was true, would you run &__ hide, would you sit right down, by my side, kiss away, broken together..."_

The insecurities wavered in her voice. The final note held for several seconds, as Sara's eyes stayed closed, her dark lashes highlighted against creamy skin.

Sara shook her head and laughed.

"Wow... that was well, wow!" Zavvi grinned, "have you ever performed like, on stage or anything? 'Cos babe, you've definitely got a talent for it."

Sara dropped her gaze, as her she tucked her hair behind her ear. "Erm, no, not really."

"Doyou fancy it? A couple of gigs now & then? I've been looking to put together an acoustic set for some time, but well, I've never really had anyone I wanted to err- play with... in the musical sense that is..." Sara laughed, as Zavvi blundered on.

"Oh fuck it. Look the offer's there if you're interested. Another drink?" Zavvi drained her glass.

"Erm, I'm alright thanks.." Sara watched warily as Zavvi poured herself a double bourbon, before draining it again.

It was her 4th in the last 5 minutes. She had already drunk almost the rest of the bottle.

Sara couldn't help but worry. With Greg still snoozing in the corner, she felt extremely awkward as Zavvi stood up, wobbling slightly, and smiled.

"I've re-really enjoyed your fine company this yonder evening," her words were slurred, and she struggled to focus. Sara jumped to her feet, as Zavvi stumbled over the coffee table.

Guiding Zav towards the bedroom, Sara once again felt out of place. She shouldn't be leading Zavvi to her bedroom because of excess alcohol... _"woahhh Sara. Bad path to go down_", her mind warned.

Zavvi approached the bed and groaned.

"Usually I prefer to pass out on my couch...less lonely"

Sara didn't know how to respond. What the hell do you say to a comment like that? Is flirting with a drunkard considered to be taking advantage? Is it bad social etiquette?

_"God Sidle, you really need to get out more. Who gives a flying fuck about social bullshit!"_ her mind screamed.

Before she could even form a sentence in her woozy state, Zavvi spun out of her grip , with the force of 10 ninjas, and framed Sara's face in her delicate hands.

Sara froze.

Zavvi smiled, before kissing Sara. Their lips clashed, silk on silk, smooth perfection. Sara tasted fruity, sweet, delectable. Zavvi tasted of alcohol, smoke, danger. It was like nothing Sara had ever experienced. It was... amazing, creepy, weird, hot. For fucks sake, it's one thing to find another female attractive, with gorgeous red hair, and deep grey eyes, but to kiss, a full-on kiss, well that was just... hot.

Pulling away, Zavvi opened her eyes, two grey orbs built of fire and lust, to see a dazed Sara Sidle.

"I'm glad it was you here tonight, Miss Sidle," She smiled, before crawling into bed alone.

Sara stood there, unable to function as her brain desperately tried to catch up with her roaring heart. "Night Zav," Was all she could think to say, before turning and shutting the door, leaving the room enshrouded in darkness.

* * *

**So, here is the common request for reviews! Because I honestly do read every single one of them, and take your advice. **

**But, I really should state that the lyrics in this chapter, "Satallite" is copyrighted to Jorja Fox. You can hear her singing it on youtube (just remove the spaces) http://www. youtube. com/ watch?v=DjNjBifVVX4**

**And the lyrics in the previous chapter, "20/20 Hindsight Vision" are owned by Vexed? and WhenTwoEndsMeetProductions, but I have every right to use them, as I wrote them & it's my goddamn production company & band!! So HA!!**

**Anyways, disclaimer complete. Review & I will write :)**

_**Keep Cool x**_


	7. Little Death

**Hey there :)**

**I've not really got much to say about this chapter, I just hope you guys find it as fun to read as I found it to write.**

**But yeah, once again kudos to my most amazing beta _kaylarea_, who edited it and everything and sent back to me in the shortest possible period of time EVER! I'm telling you, this chick is amazing. Thankyou very much babe :)**

* * *

Sara's heart raced in her chest, as she tried to moderate her breathing. _Shit, shit, SHIT! What the fuck do I do now? _Greg was fast asleep in the corner, Zav was in the bedroom. And Sara was... alone and confused. Very confused.

There was no way in hell she was going back in to the bedroom. Not until she knew what the fuck that kiss meant. If it meant anything, that was. What about Zavvi? What did it mean to her?

_FUCKK!_

Sara's head was spinning, her breathing was laboured; it was like a fucking panic attack.

All because of a kiss.

She dragged her hand through the mahogany locks draped over her face. She needed to stop shaking, she needed to... She needed to do something.

Sara picked up the pack of cigarettes lying on the coffee table. Sparking up, the nicotine did very little to calm her. Still, it was better than nothing.

Greg looked so peaceful in the corner. He was so at ease around Zav, despite everything that had clearly transpired between them, despite their obvious history.

Their history that intrigued Sara, and yet, it terrified her. Did she really want to know everything that had happened? Could she go on not knowing?

_FUCKK!_

_

* * *

_

Zavvi held her head, sat alone in the darkness, her head swimming.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK! What the fuck did you do that for, you stupid, stupid bitch!_

How could she have been so downright stupid? How could she have let go so easily? Thank god for alcohol, the saviour of excuses. Wait -no, _do I me__ntion it? Will Sara mention it? Should we just ignore it? FUCK!_

Sobriety, for all its uses, was definitely over-rated.

* * *

30 minutes across town, Gil Grissom stared blankly at the roaches scuttling behind the thin glass wall. Questions flew through his head. _Who were they with? Greg, Sara & who? Where were they? What were they doing? Why was it bothering him so much? Was she having fun? Was she enjoying it? Would he enjoy it? Why did it matter so much?_

He signed the remains of Catherine's damn paperwork. Sticking on an A.S.A.P yellow post-it note, he dropped the 4 sheets of god damn technicalities into the out box folder. _Why was his life so compl__i__cated?_

_

* * *

_

Sara picked the blanket of the couch, and draped over Greg. His hazel eyes flickered, and he grunted his appreciation. Ruffling his blonde spikes, Sara smiled slightly.

She looked around desperate for something - anything - to do. She'd already collected & separated all the trash for recycling. Now... Now she had nothing to do.

Picking up Zavvi's black electro-acoustic, she walked over to the locked door, setting it down next to the small table, on which resided an empty ashtray and pile of plectrums.

Pausing, for just a split second, she looked at the silver handle, glinting in the soft light. It beckoned her, taunted her, called to her. On a whim Sara reached out, her slender fingers grasping the cool metal, pushing down slightly.

The lock clicked open.

It was too late to turn back now.

* * *

_Could he call her? Maybe say he needed her to help on case? Bu__t what if she said no?_

Brass knocked on the slightly open door.

"You okay Gil?"

He wasn't looking for a response. The bottle of whisky was already set on the table, next to two empty glasses. Shift was long over. Brass knew he was needed.

Sitting down at the table he waited for Grissom to speak. Dealing with Grissom was much like dealing with a wild animal. You had to wait for him to come to you. Pushing rarely worked.

"How do you know, really know when you've screwed up. Really screwed up?" Grissom's tone was deep & lonely. He sounded broken. Jim had never heard him sound so hollow.

But still he waited.

"I - I think it's too late. She told me it'd be too late. What if it is?"

Jim just sat there, completely confused as Grissom poured out two glasses of drink. Could he be realising -no, wait, this was Grissom. Gruesome, Gil Grissom., Gil-stubborn-as-a-mule-Grissom. Gil-I'm-not-head-over-heels-in-love-with-Sara-Grissom. There was no way in hell he was about to admit how he felt about her. The only reason Jim knew was because Sara was like a daughter, and Gil, well Gil was his best friend. When the two were together, you could barely breathe with all the sexual tension in the room. Sara seemed to hold her breath and watched his every move, Grissom over-talked cases and discreetly watched her, his eyes flicking over her slender form.

Jim was slightly surprised when he discovered no-else at the lab had picked up on this. Talking in the break room, no-one had any idea about their relationship. Or rather, lack-of.

Which wasn't very confidence inspiring for the number two lab in the country.

Gil thoughtfully picked up the glass of whiskey, the scent of ethanol overpowering.

It became clear he wasn't about to say any more. The silence loomed ominously. Maybe Jim had waited long enough. Maybe it was time to reach out before Gil retreated once again.

"Sara?"

Grissom's eyes shot up. "How did you-?"

"What's really pertinent is how long it took you to realise. So what finally flicked the switch in that thick skull of yours?"

Gil frowned.

"Look, I'm here to help you Gil. If the explosion didn't click everything into place for you, then I really want to know what did?"

"She's out having fun. With Greg. And someone else."

"Who?"

"I never expected her to have a life outside work."

"Who is it?"

"I don't know."

"And that's what's bothering you? That Sara's got a fucking social life? Jesus Gil, you need to pull your life together." Brass moved over to the door.

"Or are you going to keep waiting until it _is _too late?"

* * *

Sara stepped into the dark room, her eyes slowly adjusting as she reached for the light switch. As the bare bulb was shocked into life, Sara absorbed the beauty of this hidden room. Fashioned like an Arabian den, with beanbags on the floor, her electric guitar & a small amp in the corner, incense smouldering in the corner. Intricately sewn drapes covered the wall, and photos crowded on the small table in the corner. Zavvi featured in every single one, surrounded by grinning people of varying ages.

It was like Sara was seeing the real person for the first time. Reds, purples and golds gave the room a warm homely feel. The lighting was dark, and the smoke clouded the room. If Sara wasn't such a well-trained CSI she would probably have missed it. However, peeking from under one of the sheets was another door handle. Another secret room, another layer to Zavvi's intricate persona. How could she not look?

Stepping through the door, it was like Sara's worst nightmare. Walls were covered in gruesome photos, blood, death, anger, lust. It was a spectrum of pain. Real blood coated the far wall, spray almost reaching the ceiling. It was worse than any crime scene she had ever visited. The floorboards were dark and stained, probably more blood. Blood-covered items covered the far wall. Trophies; pieces of clothing, earrings, a smashed pair of glasses. Destroyed furniture was scattered across the floor. This wasn't right. This was Zavvi; FBI-Agent-Zavvi; rock star-Zavvi; just-fucking-kissed-me-Zavvi.

This was not homicidal-maniac-Zavvi.

Or was it?

Shit.

* * *

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	8. When Your Heart Stops Beating

**New Chapter :) :)**

**Yay! Thanks again to a spectacular beta, Kaylarea, who returned the edited version to me perfectly. Anyway, enjoy guys & please review!!**

* * *

Zavvi rolled over, entangled in sweaty, white sheet. Their screams reverberated around her skull. The blood, the pain, the terror in their eyes. Jesus H. Christ, what had happened to her?

It had never woken her before. Never, even with some of the worst ones - she could just have a drink, pass out & forget. She needed to forget in order to function.

It just wasn't right.

Her hair stuck to her brow, and her throat was dry. My God, it was the worse dream she had ever had. They didn't even feel like dreams anymore. They were her hands holding the knife, her eyes, cold & broken in the mirror, her pleasure as they scrambled around on the floor begging for their lives, drenched in their own warm blood.

No, it wasn't right.

Breathing deeply, Zavvi pulled herself to her feet, her knees felt like jelly. What had happened to her? Since when did she dream about it? Wobbling over to the door, chastising herself for her weakness, she blindly stumbled through the dark living room to the kitchen.

Water. That's what she needed. Cool, fresh water. Cleansing and pure. The sink gurgled as she ran the tap, drinking straight from the spout, feeling the cleaning liquid wash over her damp face.

Rubbing herself dry on the teatowel slung across the table, her eyes adjusted to the pitch black. She could make out the table - but all the empty bottles had gone. Last night's pizza boxes had been removed... It was so clean. She could still hear Greg gently sleeping in the chair in the lounge - it must have been Sara.  
That or she had acquired some very tidy burglars.

As she stepped back into the living room, something was most definitely wrong. Very wrong. She could smell it. She could feel the cold draft sending the incense and coppery smell through the flat. Creaking gently was the door to her own space. It was open.

Shit.

* * *

It was amazing. Vegas was amazing. Four-fucking-am ,and the bars had still welcomed her in. Just fucking amazing.

Sara stumbled across the darkened dancefloor, the ladies room calling to her. The numerous shots had gone straight through her, and not even done the job properly. She could still see those blood stained walls, the stench of death still inhibited her nasal passages, the coldness of that room still made her shiver. As she came back out of the bathroom and made her way back to the bar, a familiar Texan laugh rang out. Maybe if she didn't look, she wouldn't be noticed.

Dropping another bill on the bar, the young barman slung out another Cranberry and double Vodka.

"You do know it's 7am right?" he asked casually. "You've been here almost three hours. Technically I should refuse to serve you, or you're going to need a liver pump darlin'"

Sara glared. "You- you can refu-refuse to serve me, but I'ma only gonna go to another bar, and tip their barman in-instead now..." Her San Franciscan accent returning to the surface in her drunken state.

Laughing slightly the guy turned to other customers. Boy, that chick must've had a rough night. He thought almost amused to himself.

"Sara? Is that you?" Warrick's deep voice ressonated in her head.

"Oh shit..." She mumbled under her breath. "Hi Mr. Warrick. Oh and Catherine and Nickyyy!" She spun on her chair with a giant smile. "Let me buy you all a drink! Hey Joey, Mr. Barman!"

"Oh boy," Catherine mumbled, "Jesus she's wasted."

"Hey Sara, what'cha doing here doll?" Nicky smiled and slowed down the rotating chair.

"Drinking." was her deadpan reply.

"I know that sweetie, but why are you on your own - I thought Greggo was with you tonight? Don't tell me he ditched you."

Sara pulled away, mumbling to herself. "She lied....I... Greg... ran"

"Wait up there Sar, who lied? Has someone hurt you? Do I need to kick some ass?" Nick wrapped his arms around her slender frame, as Sara started to cry. Turning to Catherine and Warrick, he shrugged. "I'm going to take her home guys. I'm sorry, you two have a good time though."

Catherine looked at Sara's tear-stained face.

"Are you sure Nick, I can take her back while you boys get a drink. I need to be back for Lindsay soon anyway."

Warrick started to speak, but was quickly interrupted by Nick.  
"Look guys, I'm going to take her. Seriously have a couple of drinks - you need them more than me, I've only been in the lab today."

Wrapping his arm under Sara he lifted her up and pulled her outside, still sniffling.

"I don't want to go yet Nicky."

"Don't worry Sar-bear. Everything will be all right. I promise." smiling sadly, Nick buckled her in to the passenger seat, and pulled out of the bar.

* * *

"Uurghhh... no... just five more minutes..uhhh"

"Greg! Wake up! Fuck!" Zavvi grabbed at his shoulders, shaking him, bringing him to life. "Fuck's sake Greg, wake up!"

Greg rolled out of the comatose sleep, "God's sake Zav, what's up?" he yawned.

"Where's Sara?"

"What dya mean where's Sara," Greg rubbed at his sleepy eyes, waiting for his brain to kick into gear, "How am I meant to know? I thought she was drinking with you?"

Zavvi fell back onto the floor, panic spread across her face, much like a small child.

"Greg, I - I've done something stupid. You should leave now, for your own sake..."

The young man quickly leapt to her huddled form, wrapping his strong arms around her as she started to shake.

"Shhh, hey Zav, it's okay. Just tell me what happened, and we'll sort it out. I promise" His dark eyes absorbed a scared, young girl in Zavvi's body. Never had he seen her this broken.

As Zavvi slowly started to break through the overpowering panic, Greg still held her tight.

"I err - I need to show you something. Something no-one should ever have to see. Please, don't run though. Just - just let me explain."  
Something about her tone scared Greg, but right now he hadn't the time to care about himself. Zavvi needed him.

As she stood up, she took his hand and led him to an open door, incense billowing around the frame.

"This is me Greg. The - the real me. I'm sorry."  
Greg took in the golden shades of the small room. Furnished as an Arabian den, photos adorned a small table, a deep comfy couch set against the wall covered in cushions, intricately hand-sewn fabrics covered the walls.

"Zavvi, what do you mean you're sorry. This room... it's beautiful."

"This is my detox room. When I need to become myself again. This isn't what I wanted to show you."

She pulled him towards the far corner of the room, where a coppery smell hit his nostrils. Pulling back a piece of fabric, a scarred old door appeared. Pushing it gently, Zavvi closed her soft grey eyes. She could feel Greg stiffen next to her.

"Just- just let me explain please Greg. It's not what it looks like."

* * *

**Mwhahahahahha!!!**

**Ooohhhh what shall happen now... will Greggo make it???**

**Review me & you will find out, Chapter Nine is ready & waiting to be published upon the reception on reviews...**

_**Keep Cool x**_


	9. Make You Smile

**Hey all :) hope everyone has been feeling well lately!**

**My exams start as of tomorrow morning, so it looks like posting aren't going to be quite as regular, but hopefully I'll still have time to knock out a couple of chapters a week. Study leave starts next week (which is a bit stupid if you ask me. I've got 3 of my 9 exams this week for fucks sake) so I should be able to spare a bit of time here and there :)**

**Anyway, kudos my a lovely beta to whom this story is owed to, Kaylarea, babe you are a goddess!**

**Anyway... enjoy!**

* * *

Sara's phone buzzed on the break room table. She knew who it was. She let it vibrate, watching the small movements across the table.

"Someone wants to talk to you" Warrick observed, as he poured himself a coffee. "That's the fourth time its rang in the last couple of minutes."

Sara shrugged and wrapped her hands tightly around her drink, the caffeine nursing the mother of all hangovers.

"Do you want me to answer it?" Warrick's strong reached towards the electronic device.

Sara jumped up. "What! NO!" The taller man stepped back, as if burnt by his usually calm colleague and friend, "Just - just leave it Warrick."

"Sorry Sar, but whoever it is has definitely got under your skin."

"I - I don't want to talk about it."

Warrick shrugged. "Okay." He knew Sara would talk when she was ready. Hopefully someone she could trust would be there.

* * *

"So, you say the Feds have got a case similar to this?" Nick pulled his shades off, resting them on top of his head.

"Yeah actually, there have been three in the overall Nevada area. The Vegas department decided to send me over when your lab got a hit on the accelerant used. You see, it's a very specific fuel, and has definitely been mixed by the user. The ratio of 2,2-dimethylethanoate and kerosene is pretty unique and not many people could mix it without, well, killing themselves in the process."

Nick smiled at the Federal Agent. It wasn't usual that the FBI actually knew what they were talking about, when it came to forensics, and it definitely wasn't usual that the FBI didn't want to take control of the case.

"So, well, how can I help you?" The Texan easily smiled as the attractive woman.

"I just want to share some details, maybe you could run me through your crime scene, and I'll tell you about the previous three, if that's cool?"

"Sure. Can I get you a coffee first though Agent Kerr?" Nick held the slender, muscular arm as he guided her towards the break room, with his usual cowboy charm.

"That sounds great, Mr Stokes."

"Call me Nick."

* * *

Sara could hear the familiar voices approach. Her grip round the now-cold coffee tightened, and her face went white.

Standing suddenly, Sara rushed towards the door, only to be grabbed by Warrick.

"Are you sure you're all right Sara? You don't look to well. Do you want some aspirin for that hangover?"

"I'm fine."

* * *

"I'm Zavvi." The redhead smiled, her cool grey eyes shining. "So, how long have you been in Vegas Nick?"

"I'm a CSI 3 now - started off here, so several years. Texas is my home though; I'm a real country boy."

Zavvi smiled appreciatively.

"What about you?"

"I'm actually English - hence the ridiculous mismatched accent - but I went to Uni in New York, finished my training for the bureau about err- half a year ago now, and well, I ended up assigned to the greater Las Vegas field office." Her smile was warm and friendly.

As Nick came to the entrance of the break room, the sight of Sara and Warrick set in deadlock greeted him. Sara was coiled; tense like a cat about to run, Warrick stood holding her arm like a giant grizzly bear, deadly powerful, but with the most caring look in his eyes.

"Hey guys, this is Agent Zavvi Kerr from the FBI - we're working the arson case together."

Warrick dragged his gaze away from Sara, as he dropped her arm.

"Hey, I'm Warrick." His brown eyes welcomed her.

Sara didn't move, her eyes finding a very interesting spot on the floor. Warrick coughed.

"This is Sara."

Zavvi smiled weakly, not speaking a word, as she was blatantly blanked.

Breaking the awkward silence, Nick clapped. "So, how do you take your coffee Zavvi?"

"Black, one sugar, please Nick." Her cool gaze remained on Sara's slim frame.

"Either of you guys want one?" Nick offered. "It's Greg's Blue Hawaiian..."

Sara still didn't respond, as Warrick politely refused. "Nah man, I've got to go find Cath. I'm meant to be meeting her in the morgue. Catch ya' later though, nice meeting you Zavvi."

"You too," she smiled as the tall, dark man strode past, casting one last look at Sara.

As the coffee came to the boil, Sara shuffled her feet and looked up, avoiding Zavvi's strong gaze.

"I - I have got paperwork to do. See you later Nicky."

Zavvi watched as Sara practically ran down the corridor. Nick shrugged.

"Sorry about that - she had a bit of a rough night I think - we found her in a bar at 7 this morning, completely wasted."

"Don't worry about it man." Zav brushed it off, "So, let's talk fire."

Nick smiled as the case files spread across the table, and the conversation started to flow.

* * *

Greg yawned as the Catherine's results came back. She was still at the crime scene, so he'd definitely got enough time for a break. It was his first one all night. Being a lab rat definitely sucked at times. As he walked down the hallway, he could smell the Blue Hawaiian brewing. Someone had been stealing out of his damn stash! One of these days he was going to have to kill those god damn cheeky CSI's!

Striding into break room Greg crashed to a halt.

He recognised the back of that head. The red hair was most definitely unmistakeable.

Flinging his arms over her shoulders, Greg inhaled deeply. "Hey Zav," his tone was deep & seductive.

Their talk the other night had been amazing. He finally knew her - he finally had the real Zavvi back. Their friendship was stronger than ever - he knew if he ever needed anyone, Zav would be the first person he'd turn to.

"Hey Greggo," Zav murmured, as Nick looked on in confusion. They were definitely close. How the hell did a lab rat like Greg pull a chick like that? Sheesh! Jammy bastard.

Greg planted a friendly kiss on Zavvi's cheek, before walking over to the coffee machine.

"You didn't tell me you'd be here today," he stated, as the hot, brown liquid drained into his mug.

"I didn't know 'til I got to the office. Sorry hon."

Nick interrupted. "You two know each other?" The look on his face was incredulous. A babe like Zavvi, and a lab rat like Greg?

Zavvi and Greg looked at each other, and burst out laughing.

"Sorry man," Greg spluttered, "but the look on your face was priceless!"

Zavvi just shrugged. "Greg's my closest & oldest friend, we used to live together when I first moved to New York."

Nick nodded. "Right! Jeez, for a moment there I thought you two were...."

Greg and Zavvi looked at each other again, their laughter uncontrollable.

* * *

Sara sat in her office, her head in her hands. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK! What was she doing here? Shit!

The aspirin was not working. It was like there was a drummer wrecking havoc in her head. A not very skilled drummer at that.

Groaning, she rubbed at her eyes as the door creaked open.

"Sara, may I have a word"

Oh God. That was just what she needed. Grissom chastising her for something else. Fuck's sake.

"Sara?"

"What have I done now Grissom?"

The silence was overbearing. Grissom coughed.

"Ermm, I'd like to talk to you about what last night."

"I'm sorry?"

"I heard about you, erm- drinking."

Sara's head dropped into her hands.

"Do you need to talk Sara? I can refer you to the lab's psychiatrist if you like." Sara didn't respond.

"To be honest Sara, I think you need some proper time of to recuperate. Whatever this is, it's starting to affect you work-"

"I resent that! My work has been top class, and you damn well know it Grissom." Sara's yelled. "There have been no problems with any of the cases, and I still have the second highest solve rate in the whole of the lab. Beaten only by you. So don't start preaching to me about needing time off!"

"Sara! I am your supervisor, and I can and will refer you to the psychiatrist if I so see fit! Don't give Ecklie another reason to try and fire you!"

"Don't you dare pull rank on me."

"Sara, whatever it is in your personal life that's affecting your work, you need to get it sorted! This is not the first time you've come in reeking of alcohol and cigarettes-"

"Grissom, now really isn't a good time."

"Less than one week ago, now what sort of impression do you think that gives about this lab-"

"Grissom" Sara's tone dropped an octave, deep with anger, a warning signal for all to back away.

"And now today, I was told you were less than welcoming to a Federal Agent who is here to assist on a case and you ju-"

Sara finally snapped "Just shut up and listen for once, would you Grissom. I don't NEED your interference. You told me to get a god damned distraction, and now look what's happened. To be quite honest, I don't care about the freaking lab's public image, I don't care about what people think of me, I don't care if I'm rude and unwelcoming. Is this enough of a distraction? Are you happy now Grissom? I'm finally like you. I don't fucking care, and I don't feel a god damned thing. I'm empty. Hollow. None of it matters does it? So why should you care? When it mattered to me, where were you? Where were you when I needed you Grissom? When I 'needed a distraction' where were you to save me from myself? When I still felt things, when I still_ mean__t it_ when I smiled at you. Now, now I don't even know what I'm doing any more. I don't know who I am." Sara swept the piles of paperwork to the ground.

"Look, look at all of this Grissom. Is any of it really making a difference? People out there are still hurting, and what are we doing about it? We sign a million pieces of paper, we piece together fragments of evidence, and for what, nothing. There are still innocent people being murdered, families being torn apart. And what can we really do about it? When I needed you, you weren't there. Just like the kid on the corner of the street, who's alone and terrified as his mom whores herself out to pay for her heroin addiction. Does she really care about him? Was she there when he was being kicked and beat up by older kids? Was she there to clean his wounds, after HE had picked himself up? Were you there, when I was falling alone into the darkness? I woke myself screaming every night for weeks, I practically survived on half an hour of sleep a night, did you even notice me? No Grissom, you just carried on, 'Mr-I-Don't-Feel-Anything'. Well, I'm sorry Grissom, is that what you want to hear? I'm sorry I'm so weak, and I'm sorry this hurts so much."

Sara collapsed back into her seat, as Grissom stood frozen to the spot, desperately wanting to show her, tell her, he did notice her, all he thought about was her, and God, how he wanted to stop her pain. It was killing him to see her hurt so bad. But she didn't need him anymore. He was too late. He'd messed up big time.

"Can I have the report from the attempted robbery case on my desk by the end of shift?" The cool, calm, rational Grissom returned.

Sara nodded wearily, as he left the room, a cold silence enshrouding the small space.

She was definitely going to be fired now.

Shit.

* * *

**Yay... Grissom & Sara fighting ****(see I do listen to feedback :P) **and a lil' bit of Zavvi & Greg flirting (just because it's fun!)

**But the big question is, is about THE ROOM! Don't worry, you don't have to wait much longer... next chapter I swear!**

**So, if you want to read said chapter... REVIEW!**

**And ZOMG, am watching CSI re-runs as I write this, and SARA IS NAKED... I REPEAT, SARA SIDLE IS NAKED AND IN A SHOWER! (with Greggo... god I love this episode!)**

**Please feedback :)**

_**Keep Cool x**_


	10. Cliff Diving

**Hey All**

**Usual kudos muchly to my lovely beta, Kaylarea, who has done a wonderful job :)**

**But yeah, another flick through the odd CSI-themed fantasy which just goes to prove I'm a slight headcase. Oh well. Read, review, but most of all: enjoy!**

* * *

Sara raised her hand to knock on the wooden apartment door. Desperate to avoid both Grissom and Ecklie (he was bound to have found out about their 'disagreement' by now), she had left the case report on Gil's desk and ran.

She found herself here. Standing outside Zavvi's flat.

Alone and afraid.

Her knuckles rang out again the cool wood. It was merely seconds before Zavvi opened the door, frowning and then turning and walking away into the kitchen. Standing there slightly confused, Sara frowned at the foreboding welcome.

Waiting for Zavvi to speak, Sara closed the front door and stood next to the couch.

Wordlessly, Zavvi re-entered the room, handed Sara a steaming coffee and sat back down next to a bottle of vodka, her eyes trained on the TV.

"What brings you here Sara?" Her voice was cool and detached. "I figured you had me pinned as a mass murderer by now, so risking your life for a cheap thrill hardly seems like the intelligent thing to do."

Sara was taken aback. "I- Why were you at the lab today?"

"Oh, so you could see me. Funny, I thought I must have put my invisibility cloak on by accident, causing you to not notice me." Zav's tone was filled with self-loathing. "I was consulting Nick on an arson case. I'm sure you didn't have to come all the way over here to find out that."

Sara looked like a fish out of water, completely stricken.

Zavvi's tone dropped an octave. "Why are you here Sara?" There was a moments silence.

"I - I don't know" The silence pertained as Sara sat on the couch, right next to Zavvi. "I -I'm lost Zav. And scared. And right now, I don't know who I am any more."

Zavvi's resistance weakened."I- I owe you an explanati-"

Sara cut in forcefully. "No. No you don't. It's none of my business. Look Zavvi, for some ridiculous reason, I trust you despite anything. You're - you're the first real friend I've had since I came to Vegas. Possibly ever. I mean, everyone at the lab, they're like family to me, but you... there's something about you. I'm not even sure what, but I know I can trust you."

"Even if I'm a homicidal maniac with sadistic tendencies that sexually enjoys seeing young girls carved to death."

Sara's face turned white, and her eyes widened.

"I'm not." Zavvi's tone was still deadly serious. "But that's what I do. I get into the heads of sick people Sara. I replicate their pleasure to understand why. I have that room with mock-up trophies and crime scene photographs. My blood is on the walls, from trying to escape, because I lock myself in there, because I'm dangerous. When I'm in their heads, I lose myself, I become them. I mentally replay their sickest fantasies. I disgust myself. Sara, I'm honoured that you trust me, but don't. It's not safe for you."

Sara looked at the Agent in front of her, eyes cast down, her head in her hands, bright red hair cascading down her wrists like blood. Zavvi looked up, deep into Sara's mahogany eyes.

"If - if I ever hurt you... I would never forgive myself."

"Can - can I see?" Sara was quieter than a mouse with her request.

"The room?"

"Yes." Zavvi pulled the key out of her back pocket and put it down on the coffee table. The metal was cool and unforgiving as Sara reached for it, determined to help the beautiful, dysfunctional women in front of her.

* * *

Sara didn't need to search around for the hidden handle. She gradually worked her way around the room, absorbing every tiny detail. She stroked the plush cushions, with intricate designs and hand-stitched patterns. She stared deep into the eyes of each and every person in all of Zavvi's photos. No-one stood out as much as the red headed beauty though. Her cool grey eyes seemed to brim with happiness, her smile warm and carefree.

The incense still smouldered in the corner, vaguely disguising the scent of dry blood from the next room. She couldn't procrastinate any longer. Sara had asked to see the room. She couldn't chicken out now. The door creaked slowly, as Sara slowly hesitated. The bare floorboards squeaked beneath her sneakers, the converse leaving the standard diamond prints.

The room somehow seemed less threatening now. That wasn't to say it was any less intimidating or terrifying, but for some reason, Sara no longer worried for her safety. She took her time to observe every inch of the room, desperate to prove Zavvi wasn't lying. Looking closely, the blood stains on the walls were clearly not deadly - there was no large amounts of arterial spray, no cascades of death. Simply bloodied hand prints, scrabbling at the walls.

On the floor, the blood was of different ages, some faded, some fresh. The idea that this was Zavvi's life force spread on the bare wood hurt Sara. _How could she have cared do little for her own well-being to inflict such self harm?_ It was incredible what lengths she would go to for her job.

Walking past what used to be a chair (now a collection of splinted firewood) Sara ran her fingers over the top of the desk. On the above wall photos of what must have been six or seven different girls in varying positions. All about fifteen, all slender and brunette, all mercilessly slaughtered in woodland areas. How could Zavvi allow herself to enter the consciousness of such a monster?

The photos now appeared as the regulation crime scene shots, but the previous night had looked posed - a sick homage to 'her victims'. Sara gulped at the pure anger shown in murders. Looking down onto the desk, she gently pulled on the rickety top draw. It slowly opened revealing a stack of files, all with the FBI logo stamped proudly on the front. Opening on, Sara started to read the local CSI's official report.

_The victim, later identified as Shelley Anne Jenkins aged 15 years and 9 months, was discovered at around 09.30 on Tuesday September 3__rd__, by one Mr. James Fredricks, a local ma__n walking his dog, in West Virginia national park. Fredricks was later discounted as a subject, due to a highly credible witness and his severe arthritis, preventing him from committing such acts._

_Jenkins was found in a praying position, bent at the __waist, legs curled beneath her, her face on the floor, arms outstretched palms facing upwards. Initial cause of death was reported to be exstanguination, from several sharp force trauma wounds to her lower abdomen._

_The autopsy found signs of severe sexual__ abuse, including object rape and sodomy with a large blunt object, thought to be wooden._

Sara felt sickened, as the autopsy mugshot of the poor girl stared at her from the front of the folder. Who would do such a thing? An innocent girl, still in her catholic school uniform. Sara had seen some terrible crime scenes, entire families slaughtered, but this young girl had been subjected to several days of torture at her captor's pleasure. She was barely able to continue.

_Jenkins was reported missing by her m__other, Sally Jane Jenkins, 13 days previous to the discovery of her body, thought to have been dead between 36 - 72 hours._

Sara swallowed the bile rising in her throat, and turned the page, unable to carry on. Yeah, sure she was used to the details of terrible crimes committed by mankind, but this case seemed particularly disgusting. Zavvi's notes covered the margins of the formal document. Her scrawl suggested the beginning of a basic profile, her small mind maps creating possibilities beyond the usual investigation. Central to the question, underlined over and over again, was one word.

Why?

Not who, but why. Why had he done this? Why did he feel the need to sacrifice them? Why young teenage girls? Why was he moving around so much? Why had he not stayed in any one place for a significant amount of time?

"All of these questions and not one single answer." Zavvi's voice startled Sara, her approach silent.

"I've been working this case for almost two weeks now. We're no further forward then we were last Friday, but still, more and more blood is spilt." Zavvi's voice was heavy with responsibility.

"I - I thought you had only just joined the bureau?" Sara didn't remove her eyes from the documents resting in her slender fingers.

"I did. Six months and 3 days ago."

"How - how are you working on such a - a high-profile case."

"It isn't a high-profile case. We're deliberately keeping it off radar. We can't afford the national panic this would cause, it's all politics. Besides, we can't put any pressure on the unsub - he's at breaking point as it is, any more pressure and he'll devolve into a spree."

Sara looked up into Zavvi's broken eyes. She could tell the pain visible on her face was only the tip of the iceberg. Zavvi was sinking.

"I - I've looked at this from every possibility Sara. I've drawn up the best profile possible from the material available. There's a whole BAU team working this case at Quantico, numerous local cops, crime scene analysts, computer techs, we have every possible person working on this case, and we're nowhere."

Sara's voice was quiet. "If there's a whole team of profilers working this case, why do they need you? This case is destroying you Zavvi. Physically and mentally." Her eyes were downcast, fearful for the Special Agent and friend she had come to respect and lov- No! Just respect. They were friends.

"Sara, I was specifically requested to work for the BAU. That's why I'm not at the field office much. I'm undercover as it were... I - I'm not meant to be working as a profiler, the general consensus is you need ten years service and an administrative position to even qualify. That's not me - that never will be me. But this is. I - I can go into the minds of monsters, I can see their innermost fantasies, I can find who they are. I need to find who they are."

Zavvi's eyes were determined, but so very sad. Sara's heart broke in her chest. What had happened to such a wonderful young woman to cause her to look into the abyss, to risk her own life for it?

"He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you." Sara quoted.

"Friedrich Nietzsche" Zavvi smiled.

"Smart guy," Sara responded with a weak smile.

The tension in the room was incredible. Waves crackled between the two slender women.

It was like poetry in slow motion.

Sara reached out to touch Zavvi's arm, a tear sliding down her cheek. Zavvi reaching up to wipe away the lone tear drop as it reached Sara's defined jaw line. Her hand wavering there, even after its purpose had been achieved. Sara unconsciously leaning into Zavvi's soft palm, feeling the slim, strong fingers caress her face. The cool, silky feel of Sara's thick brunette hair brush gently against her knuckles.

Neither noticing they had both stepped closer to each other.

The heavy scent of smoke, dried blood and lust encasing them both. Sara made the first move. Reaching up, she pulled Zavvi's mouth down towards her, the kiss not as lust or passion filled as their previous encounter, but still filled with emotion and need. The clash of their lips, as the fire within them both was stoked. Grasping of clothes, pulling of hair. Sensual, tantric, exquisite.

Sara was drowning in the vortex that was Zavvi. Zavvi was being brought out of the darkness by Sara's unconditional light. It was yin and yang, cheese and crackers, black and white. Fate.

The kisses grew more intense, and slowly, so very slowly, Zavvi slid her hand under the bottom of Sara's shirt. Her cold fingers on Sara's burning flesh was sensual torture. The words could barely be heard over the waves crashing Sara's head. But they were there, all she needed. Zavvi's voice was small and broken against Sara's lips.

"Save me."

* * *

**And so the charade continues. Is this the big lesbian love-fest? Or is fate to cruelly intervene? Mwahahahahaha! You'll have to review to find out :P**

_**Keep Cool x**_


	11. Lillian

**S'up Dawg...**

**How're you all? I've finally got this chapter sorted out & stuff, so do review. **

**Some people want it to end up just a femmeslash Zavvi/Sara fic, and no GSR what-so-ever, but I'm a bit wary because it seems a bit too OOC, even for me.**

**So it maybe on the cards. Who knows? haha!**

**And once again, many thanks to Kaylarea, for another fantastic beta :D**

**Anyway, while I watch LOTR:II again, do enjoy :)**

* * *

Working their way back to the couch, hands roamed frantically, desperate for skin contact.

Their breathing was deep and laboured, as both desperately tried to maintain lip contact.

Zavvi's shirt was hanging open, and Sara's nails scratched down her arching back. Zavvi's left hand was twisted in Sara's thick brown hair, her right splayed across Sara's lower back, pulling her tight against her.

The two women were caught in the moment, neither listening to what their head screamed.

"_You'll only end up hurting her - that's all you ever do, you're dangerous. You live in the minds of monsters..."_

Zavvi tried to block out the voices before she went crazy.

"_What am I doing? What about Grissom? Why does this feel so right and so wrong at the same time? What should I do?"_

The questions swirled round Sara's brain, but answers were not in sight. They reached the deep, soft couch, and pushing her weight upon Zavvi, ever so slightly, Sara lowered them both to the couch, taking control of a situation in which she had no experience.

The kisses got deeper, tongues duelling for dominance, hands tugging on infuriating pieces of material, eyes closed as their primal senses took control. That moment was lust. Pure, unadulterated animal lust. No thought about consequences, about how awkward it was to kiss another chick. It just felt so right. But also so wrong.

_

* * *

Knock-knock...knock-knock..._

Zavvi's head shot up, leaving her neck open for Sara's willing kisses.

"Who the.." Sara continued her attack upon Zavvi's jugular vein, the feeling of her pulse beneath her lips amazing her. Zavvi moaned in appreciation.

_Knock-knock... knock-knock..._

"Zavvi? You home?"

Sara growled into Zavvi's neck with frustration. "Why's Greg here...?"

"I - I don't know," She panted, trying to compose herself.

Sara sat back, straddling Zavvi's thighs. "What do you want to do?"

"I - I don't know," Zavvi repeated, still slightly dazed. "I guess I better answer it. Wait in the bedroom?"

Sara's eyebrows raised a fraction.  
"No, wait, I didn't mean like that, I erm, I just..." Zavvi blundered on as Sara started to laugh.

"I know, I know babe. Just teasing." Her Sidle smile was infectious. Placing a peck on Zavvi's cheek, Sara gracefully leapt up, and sauntered into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

Rubbing her face, as she buttoned up the few buttons left on her shirt, Zavvi walked over to the door. Hoping to God she looked presentable, and not like she had been interrupted just as she was about to make love to his co-worker, Zavvi swung open the door.

"What's up Greg?" She groaned.

Looking slightly shocked, and a little jealous at her appearance, Greg smirked. She hadn't told him there was a man in her life... "Not interrupting anything am I?" He laughed.

"_Err, yes, you are. I was just about to fuck the brains out of the hottest, most intelligent, kindest chick I ever met, who you__just happen__to work with, and I suspect have a slight crush on. Can you come back in, maybe a couple of hours?" _Zavvi thought agitated.

"Only my very precious and scarcely available sleep."

Greg blushed, "Oh I thought..." He gestured to her semi-button-less shirt.

"Seriously Greg, you really need to pull your mind out of the gutter. Now, other than to make jokes about my current lacking sex life, why are you here?" Zavvi rolled her eyes, desperately wishing he would leave.

"Have you seen Sara?"

"Is that it? Jesus, Greg, couldn't you have called? Besides, if you weren't aware of what occurred last night, I was under the impression Miss Sidle was ever-so-slightly pissed at yours truly."

"Your cell was switched off. And don't worry, Sara will understand."

Zavvi shrugged. "Look, I'm sure she's perfectly fine where ever she is. Now, I'm really sorry, but my bed is summoning me and right now, sleep sounds far better than your mocking of my sex life. Hell, sleep is better than my sex life, if you must know. Now scooch, before I pull some ninja tricks and kick you out." Zavvi grinned at Greg's offended face

"Well then Agent Kerr, I hope your sleep shall satisfy you greatly." He joked, the pout taking all of his willpower to maintain.

"But first of all, I fully intend to satisfy sleep. Now, skedaddle boyo, before I turn into a knife wielding, sleep-deprived maniac." Zavvi desperately tried to keep a straight face, as images of her satisfying "sleep" flashed before her eyes.

"Sure, if you need any other sort of satisfying though, I'll be at my place." Greg's eyebrows danced across his forehead flirtatiously.

Zavvi rolled her eyes. "Yeah right Greggo... Keep dreamin'"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "Can't blame a guy for trying. Worth a shot."

Zavvi laughed, as he turned away, and she shut the door. Thank god he'd gone. Now she could get back to the real "dreamin'".

"_You'll only end up hurting her - that's all you ever do, you're dangerous. You live in the minds of monsters..."_

If only that damn little voice would go away.

* * *

Sara lay back on the cool sheets. The pillows smelt of Zavvi, and all that made her. The pain, the anger, the alcohol, the cigarettes, the loyalty, the perseverance of what would ultimately destroy her. The chance that one day she would kill herself, whilst in the mind of a monster.

Zavvi. Her vibes were powerful beacons of hope and distrust. Something Sara could definitely relate to.

She could hear the faint voices through the thin wooden door. Was Greg... asking about her?

Bless him; they'd really grown close in the last couple of weeks. Her hand reached for the door handle so she could let him know she was fine. But he already thought Zav had been getting lucky, what would he think to see her saunter out of the bedroom? Especially looking like this. Swollen lips, messy hair, lustful eyes, dear god she looked like she'd just been fucked out of this world.

And that was without any clothes being removed. Jesus, what would they look like if they... _No. Don't think like that Sara, you can't think like that. It was just lust. Pure lust..._

It was fucking hot that was what it was.

"_But first of all I fully intend to satisfy sleep..."_A shiver ran down Sara's spine. It was twice as hot knowing that Greg was totally oblivious. God, this was so wrong... _But it feels so right..._

"Erm, hey. Sorry about that..." Zavvi slipped through the door, silent as a ghost.

Sara had returned to the most amazingly comfortable bed. "It's fine," She smiled.

"Can I ask you something Zav?"

Zavvi smirked. "Technically you just did..." The death glare was totally worth it though.

"Why don't you use this bed? It's like heavenly soft!" Sara wriggled in delight as the queen-size mattress swallowed her.

"And there was silly old me thinking it was something serious and meaningful," The death glare of an angry Sara returned. "I've already told you. It's kind of lonely. Besides when I sleep on the couch I wake myself by falling on the floor, as opposed to waking myself screaming. Trust me, the neighbours prefer it this way as well," She smirked, making light of Sara's look of shock. Her smile softened.

"Sar, it's okay, I'm fine with it. It's no biggie. Don't worry about me."

"I - I'm the same. Ev- every night," Sara dropped her teasing gaze, as her long brown fringe covered her eyes. Zavvi stood waiting patiently for her to continue.

"It started a few months after I came to Vegas. At - at first it was just the odd case, y'know the really bad ones. But then it, it became more regular, and I just couldn't stop seeing them. It was their eyes that did it. Always the eyes, so hollow, so pained."

Zavvi moved to sit next to Sara, her arms wrapping safely around her shoulders, as she continued, "I- I once asked Grissom to sleep with me, because he, he didn't seem to understand that I couldn't get the images out of my head. I- I, you're not alone Zavvi."

Zavvi smiled weakly, "Thank you."

Sara pulled her closer, pulling them to lie curled up next to one another. The teasing tone returned.

"So, d'ya want to sleep with me?" Sara broke a grin.

"Why, Miss Sidle, are you propositioning me?" The British accent cut through, and Sara couldn't help but laugh.

"Ahhh, Miss Kerr, what an assumption you make." Sara's attempted replication of the English twang failed miserably, as the San Franciscan in her stood proud.

The two women burst into laughter like teenagers.

"Help yourself to whatever you want honey, I'm grabbing a shower," Zavvi pulled herself up.

"And no peeking, you!" Her wavering finger accused a guilty looking criminalist.

"Who me?" Was the exaggerated response.

Zavvi smiled, as she wandered through to the other side of the apartment.

* * *

**So there we go :) **

**C'est complete... pour noveau.**

**I genuinely hope no-one reading this can speak french, because I have no idea if what I just said made any sense.**

**I probably just insulted some-ones mother! Mais, c'est la vie.**

**Anyways, please READeth & REVIEWeth good sire :)**

**Shalom, & _Keep Cool x_**


	12. Plus44

**Hey there all :)**

**Hope you're all well. Sorry about the delay in posting. I had exams all last week (Epic Fail of course!) and then was very drunk at Download Festival all weekend! To be honest, I think I'm still slightly hungover now. Meh, it was fun!**  
**So here's the latest instalment in No It Isn't, and I hope you all enjoy it. **  
**Sara's going to have to make her mind up about who she chooses sometime soon... And I'm not going to tell anyone who it is until it's published. Mainly because I still don't know myself but still mwhahaha :)**  
**Read & Review, & let me know who you think/want Sara's choice will end up as :)**

* * *

Sara padded barefoot across the small kitchen, clad only in Zavvi's old band shirt and her underwear, happy to notice the door to Zavvi's "office" was left unlocked. Zavvi stood smirking in the doorway, as Sara reached up to the top shelf, grasping for a glass, her long tanned legs stretching on forever.

"Whatever inspired me to put those glasses up there must have been a stroke of genius..." She commented dryly.

Sara nearly jumped out of her skin, the glass slipping from her loose grip before exploding into a million shards on the hardwood floor.  
"Jesus Zav, you nearly scared me to death!" Sara looked disdainfully at the pieces of glass spread around her feet. "And now what the hell am I meant to drink from?"

"Hey, I saved you! Those cups are so dusty you probably would've caught hepatitis B, or something. Just erm... Drink it from the bottle?"

Sara grimaced.

"Hey! There's nothing wrong with slumming it like a student, I'll have you know! Zavvi grinned.

Sara laughed, then sniped back, "And instead of just standing there laughing, how does your genius propose I get out from the glass palace over here?"

"Oh for fucks sake," Zavvi rolled her eyes, and muttered, "You woman..."

"Oi!" Sara laughed indignantly, as Zavvi stepped towards her, arms outstretched.

"Wait - no, Zav, you'll cut yourself!"

Zavvi just laughed as she wrapped her arms round Sara's mid-drift, and lifted her up, glass cracking underfoot.

"Shut up you silly woman, and let me rescue you. Damn damsel in distress," She huffed happily.

Sara couldn't stop laughing at Zavvi's fed-up expression, as she was dropped back to the floor, and the carton of juice was thrust in her face.

"Now drink up. I'm off to work."

Sara giggled like a teenager, as Zavvi sauntered back to the bedroom contently.

* * *

Grissom bashed on Sara's door. What the hell had happened, where was she? He'd been knocking for at least five minutes! Dammit, she should be home. Where else would she be at two p.m. on a Tuesday. Admittedly she wasn't due at work until eleven tonight, but that wasn't the point.

Sara Sidle should be at home sleeping, not God-knows-where with God-knows-who.

Maybe she was just asleep.

He banged on the door harder.

"SARA! SARA, ANSWER THE DOOR!"

Down the hallway a door opened, revealing a rugged looking young woman. "Look, can you keep it down. I've only just got my kids to sleep, and if you continue with your damn banging you're gonna wake 'em up again. Look it's the same for every lover's tiff - if she don't wanna talk to you, she ain't gonna answer the door." The door slammed before Grissom could even reply.

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, he tried her mobile one more time.

"_Hi, it's Sara Sidle. Sorry, I can't answer the phone right now, but if you leave a message I'll get back to you as soon as I can. *BEEEEEEEP*"_

Grissom groaned. He could feel another migraine fast approaching.

* * *

Sara sauntered into work that evening, content and at ease. Sure she was five minutes late, but it wasn't like anyone was going to notice. Besides, all the unpaid overtime she had put in in the past must count for something.

Collecting one of the motor oil coffees from the break room, Sara slipped into the back of the assignments, hoping to go unnoticed. It failed. Damn creaky door.

"Ahhh, Miss Sidle, so nice of you to join us." Grissom's voice was calm but razor-sharp.

Several pairs of accusatory eyes homed in on her. Shit.

"So, where have you been?" Gil continued, determined to humiliate & embarrass her.

Nick smiled sympathetically, and Warrick shot her a "I've got your back if ya' need it" look.

"Why?" Sara counteracted.

Grissom looked pissed. It was not like Sara to be late. His head throbbed as he valiantly tried to glare her down.

"Nick, you've got a DB at Sands Motel just off the strip. Take Greg with you. Warrick, B&E up in Henderson. Catherine -"

"I've got paperwork to do." The blonde butted in. Firing a cool glance at Sara, she left the room, swiftly followed by Nick and Rick.

"I think we need to talk"

* * *

Sara ran a hand through her hair as Grissom sat down at the rickety table. This wasn't going to plan.

"Look, Sara, recently you've seemed... ermm, distant." Gil massaged his temples.

"I mean, I tried to contact you several times today. Both your work and personal cells phones were switched off, I went past your apartment and no-one was there. Sara, what's going on?"

"Why?" Her voice was cold and defiant.

"I'm sorry?"

"Why? What was so urgent that you came by my apartment in the middle of the day?"

Grissom looked at her blankly, speechless as she continued her rant, completely oblivious to Catherine stood silently in the doorway. Grissom threw Catherine a helpless look. She just smiled slightly and shrugged, as if to say "You're on your own mate, this is way to entertaining to step in."

Sara turned to Gil angrily. "It was not during work hours, it's hardly as if we ever socialise Grissom, why the HELL should I come running at your beck and call? Maybe I have my own life to think about Grissom, maybe I have friends I want to go out and have fun with. Maybe I have more than just work in my life now. Not all of us have nothing better o do than spend our free time here Gil. Have you considered that damn distraction you told me to get. Well maybe I have, maybe I go out to the mall, go to bars, go out and HAVE A GODDAMNED LIFE!"

"Sara, the lab relies on you. You're expect to be contactable at all times dammit! What if something had happened and you were needed? We need to be able to contact you."

"THERE'S A DIFFERENCE IN GETTING A PHONE CALL AND YOU TURNING UP AT MY FUCKING APARTMENT"

As she span on her heel, pissed beyond belief, Catherine stood directly in her path.

A pissed Sara Sidle was never a good thing. Especially in a closed space. And Catherine had just trapped her.

"Look Sara -"

"Catherine," she snarled, "no offence but stay out of this."

"No." The blonde stood angry and defiant. "You are out of line CSI Sidle."

Sara stood glaring at the older woman, mortified at Catherine pulling rank.

"Catherine," Gil warned. Bad move. Both women directed their death stares towards him. Shit.

"Can I have a minute with Sara please, I'm sure whatever it is you want, it can wait."

Catherine's eyes flashed with anger, as the blonde flicked her hair over her shoulder and marched out. The glass shook in the door, as Catherine slammed it shut.

"Sara, what's happening to us?" Grissom's voice was low and filled with pain. How could he have pushed her so far away? It was so sudden as well. What went wrong?

"I don't know." Sara's response was unemotional, cold, distant. She had become Grissom, and he had become her. His heart was out there on his sleeve and she couldn't even see it.

She knew meeting Zavvi had shown her what she was missing in life. But she had also lost so much. Everything had its costs and rewards, but the tension at work was becoming unbearable.

"Have I got any assignments?" She couldn't even look Grissom in the eye.

"It's on the table." Was his soft reply.

She picked up the fragile piece of paper and felt her heart crack at the sight of Gil sat there, looking so pained, so broken. What had she done to them?

* * *

Catherine watched Sara exit the break room, before striding in herself. She was pissed. How FUCKING DARE Grissom talk down to her like that? How fucking DARE he?

As the door slammed behind her, and she saw his shoulders slumped in defeat, she couldn't do it. She couldn't kick a man when he was down. Particularly a man who was her friend.

It wasn't right, she had never seen Gil so low.

"I'm sorry I treated you the way I did, Catherine." His voice was almost silent, Catherine was straining to hear him. God, he sounded so lost.

For so long she had watched Sara and Gil circle each other like wild dogs. Every time Sara took one step forward, Griss took one step back. And now, he had finally balls to step forward, Sara had already stepped back. It wasn't too late for him, she could see that much in her female co-worker's eyes. But he was going to have to fight for her. Sara had gone and got herself a new life, and new friends, who were definitely succeeding at distracting her from pining after her boss. Even Hank hadn't succeeded at that.

"You got it bad huh?" Catherine conveyed only support and care in her tone, the rage from earlier completely dissipated.

Gil looked up at her confused.

"I know you're in love with her Gil. It's painfully obvious. Now what the hell are you going to do about it?"

His first instinct was to deny it. But this was Catherine. The first real friend he ever made in Vegas; he could no more lie to her than he could his mother. He nodded slowly.

"So..?" She prodded.

Taking a deep breath, Grissom looked up at the mothering blonde. "I'm too late. She warned me that I would be, and well, now I am."

If the situation wasn't so serious, Catherine would have burst out laughing. Jesus, these two were like a couple of teenagers, terrified of each other. Bloody ridiculous at their age.

"Well don't give up on her for God's sake. Sara practically told you she loved you. Get the hell out of here and tell her how you feel. You'll only regret it if you don't."

Catherine's words of wisdom made complete sense. Grissom smiled slightly, and straightened up to his usual posture.

"Thanks Cat. Now, what was it you wanted earlier?"

"To book Sunday off. As you know it's my birthday -" Gil looked panic-stricken. Shit he had forgot. "-and the team & I are going out round Vegas. You're invited, if you can pull your eyes of your bugs for a couple of hours. I've submitted all the paperwork, and got swing to agree to cover for us, all I need you to do is sign it off." A smile caress her well-defined face.

Jesus, she was organised. Really, she should be running this place instead of him.

"Sure."

"So you'll come?" Catherine was immensely surprised.

"We'll see."

Maybe he could show Sara the other side of him this weekend. Maybe he could show her he wasn't just an aging workaholic. Maybe he could show her that there was more to Gil Grissom than meets the eye.

* * *

**Click that little green button & send me your comments. And yes, I am begging.**  
**_Keep Cool x_**


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Hey All :)**

**so yet another thrilling instalment (pah...)  
I almost choked on all this goddamn fluff. Grrrr, I want angst :/  
So next chapter I think I might kill everyone. Using killer spoons. Or marshmallows. Then I'll laugh. Or not. Who knows - that's all part of the fun XD  
But yeah, as wanted here is all the lesbian love-fest I could muster without blowing a blood vessel or two. Remember Monica's vein of that episode of Friends at Thanksgiving (when Joey yells at them: _"I hope you three have fun."_ and Chandler's all like: _"...three?"_. So Joey says: _"Yeah, you, Monica and THE VEIN!"_ *OTT hand gestures*)  
Well, in order for this little rambling titbit to go anywhere, that has pretty much summed up my feeling whilst writing this. It's to the point where even I don't know who Sara should end up with (Gil or Zavvi dammit!) and I came up with the god-forsaken idea! **

**So if you're not a fan of the lesbian lovin' (and WHY not, may I ask!) look away now. I'll try to make the story follow on without this chapter being too essential, but some of this pink-fluffy-lovey-dovey-bullshit is necessary (or so I'm told.)**

**Cheers x**

* * *

It had been a long shift. A long shift of crappy cases, and pointless paperwork. Sara had more than enough of it. Traipsing through her front door, she chucked the car keys on the sofa, and dropped onto the couch.

Why was he being such an asshole to her? It just didn't make sense. It was like something had changed between them, there'd been a shift in the team dynamic. She'd changed. Definitely. Her new friendship, relationship? with Zavvi had brought out her more outgoing, happy self, rather than the old Sara that used to read forensic journals and listen to the police scanner just for kicks.

Grissom, he seemed different as well. Not that she could pinpoint what exactly had changed in his usually cool demeanour, but when they shared any small space, there was tension in the air - tension she thought only she used to feel. Now, she seemed to feel it less, But Griss had upped his charge. It was getting ridiculous.

She wondered about calling Zav, she dealt with all the psychological crap, maybe she could figure Grissom out. Padding through to her bedroom, she paused. Something felt different.

Lying on her bed was a beautiful, light-blue stained acoustic guitar. She could see the gentle whirls in the wood through the thin lacquer, even from 10ft away. It was gorgeous.

She knew Zavvi must have designed it. There was no way you could just walk into a shop and buy a guitar that looked like this. Now all the musical encouragement and vocal practices made sense. They had started to play together, but Sara had always played Zavvi's black electro-acoustic. And now she had a beauty of her own. This was incredible.

Running her fingers over the soft body, she gently plucked the low strings. It had even been tuned for her. Jesus Christ - this was crazy! It must have cost a fortune. How could Zavvi afford something like this? On a federal income, Sara was still surprised Zav could afford an apartment like hers, in prime Vegas. Just crazy.

Sara picked up the creamy white manila envelope. Tipping it upside down, several sheets fell out onto her satin sheets. The thickest, top sheet had only a small paragraph on it, next to a few intricate tribal doodles.

"_Sara, it's time you had something this precious as your own. I hope you find this instrument as beautiful as I find you."_

Sara giggled like a teenager, for the first time in her life.

"_I'm not really sure what else to say. Sorry for the doodles? It's just, I really care for you, and hope you are having as much fun when we're together as I do. Damn, I never found writing as difficult as I do right now. I really like you. Call me?_

_-Z xx"_

It was like she was a clichéd sixteen year old. Sara folded the note in half and set it aside from the rest of the paperwork. Flicking through the papers, many pieces of sheet music - songs they could already play together - whooshed by. Their résumé wasn't large, and Zav usually played lead, but it was so nice to just sit and jam together. The last two sheets however, were darkened with graphite sketches. Sketches of Sara. They were... incredible! So, detailed, intense, honest. So talented!

Bless her, the _"Call me?"_ seemed so worried, so uncertain. Never had she known Zavvi to be uncertain about anything. Pulling her cell out of her back pocket, she scrolled through her contacts. Hovering over Grissom's name, a half-smile reached her lips. They really needed to talk. But now was not the time. At this moment in time she had a gorgeous, tall, thin, fiery redhead to meet.

_

* * *

_

Gil flicked through his wardrobe in a bored fashion. This was the first time he'd been bothered about what he wore in years, it was crazy. They weren't even going anywhere until Sunday, and he was already fussing about his appearance. Christ, it was like he was in college again.

The hurt look in Sara's eyes today - it cut through him like a knife. She seemed to look at him like she he had just stabbed her in the back. As if she had just watched him kill a kitten bare-handed.

How had their relationship deteriorated to this degree? Once, in San Francisco, they had been so close. They would walk hand in hand to coffee shops, enjoy lazy days on the empty beach where Sara had learned to surf. And in only a matter of years, here they were, barely friends.

Maybe if he had the guts to kiss her, that first day he met her, every day since he met her. Like he knew he should. Worship her, lavish expensive gifts upon her, treat as she deserved. But no, he had to adore her from a distance. Because he just couldn't tell her how he felt.

He just could not do it.

_

* * *

_

Sara wriggled in Zavvi's embrace.

"So, you liked it then?" Her words echoed softly through Sara's sleek, brown hair.

"Mmmhmm," She agreed, burying her head in Zav's strong shoulder.

"So, don't I get a thank you kiss?" The Brit's tone was teasing but suggestive.

"Oh, you get so much more than a kiss..."

Hands roamed over flesh, clothing was slung across the room. It was the furthest they'd ever gone, but nothing felt so right. Damn Greg and his previous interruptions.

She unhooked Zavvi's lacy, black bra, revelling in the tanned, smooth skin. God, she was beautiful. Never had Sara been more attracted to the female body - now she understood the male fascination with boobs. _*Does this mean I'm gay then?*_the irritating little voice in the back of her head battled. But now was not the time. Zavvi had started the attack, the duel for dominance. Two feisty women working on a case was always great, but two feisty women in the bedroom - it was guaranteed to be something else.

Sara's soft, red sweater was deftly pulled over her head, as Zavvi started kissing down her neck, and across her collarbone. Never had her nerve endings felt so alive. Not from the fumbling first attempt with her high school boyfriend (god that was a nightmare), nor the many drunken encounters in college (they weren't that much better either), not even the "get-over-Grissom" sex, her roommate set up after Gil left 'cisco. He was hunky though.

Tall, blond, curly hair, deep blue eyes, toned, tanned body, new all the right moves. She had heard a couple of years ago he'd become some sort of Mentalist-cum-consultant for the CBI. Such a nice guy, he just never really did it for her. Snapping back to the present day, Zavvi had somehow slipped off her bra, without Sara noticing. Damn this woman was good. So many men had problems with bras, which completely kill the moment, but Zav just flicked it off.

Zavvi's warm mouth caressed Sara's left breast, her heart beating double-time in her thin chest. A moist tongue flicked against her nipple, before pulling away and blowing cold air over Sara's chest. Sara squeaked in surprise.

"Was that really necessary?" She breathed out, her eyes hooded with arousal.

"Oh yes," Zavvi murmured, her grey orbs reflecting delight at Sara's incapacitated state.

That was it. It was time for payback. Sara pulled herself from the living room wall, and grabbed Zavvi by the wrist. Her strong grip dragged the fiery-haired temptress to the bedroom.

"Oh you will not believe what I find necessary," Sara giggled, as the door clicked shut and she pushed a surprised Zavvi back onto the bed.

* * *

"That - was - amazing" Heavy breathing punctuated Zavvi's appraisal.

Sara grinned happily. "Must be a natural... Have you ever, before, with a, er-"

Zavvi giggled huskily as Sara blundered on.

"No. You?"

"No." She rolled on her side to watch the grey-eyed mystery. Sara reached flicking the red hair off of Zav's face. A bemused silence fell upon the exhausted pair.

"Zav."

"Sara," she smiled.

"That guitar..."

"You do like it right?"

"Oh god yes, it's beautiful."

"Good. I thought the blue tint would look amazing with your tan," Zavvi laughed, her eyes still closed, a smile playing upon her lips. Sara looked down at the crazy, intricate, talented young woman. Being with her made Sara feel so old, yet so young, at the same time. Zav was just so... vibrant.

"It must have cost the world though."

Zavvi just grinned ruefully.

"How can you afford that Zav? It must be at least $1,500..."

"It was $2,350." Zavvi didn't even open her eyes.

"What!" Sara practically jumped out of the bed. That was a phenomenal amount of money!

Zavvi just laughed silently and shrugged.

"How, why, WHAT!"

Zavvi's laugh was louder and more pronounced.

"Zavvi, how the hell do you afford to spend that much on a gift for me?"

"I guess I have some spare funds."

"But, seriously, how?"

Zavvi sighed.

"Look, back in the UK, I - I made some money with my old band. Don't worry your pretty little head about it."

"Oi you! Don't worry my pretty little head - you want to be watching that I don't bash in your pretty little head!" Sara threatened jokingly. "Money like that just doesn't happen to appear magically..."

"Fi-ine," Zavvi grumbled humorously. "Back in my rainy motherland, there was once a young teenager who formed a band. They were not particularly good, but everyone seemed to like them. They were offered a lot of money to record an album, so obviously they agreed. Blah, blah, blah, whacked out fifteen songs, European tour, blah, couple of festivals, more money, guitarist left for New York. That pretty much sums it up."

"What? Really?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Oh, no it's nothing. Just, wow, I guess."

Zavvi shrugged and closed her eyes again. "Nah man, that world is just so cruel. I'm happier now."

"Right now?" Sara inched her body closer, pulling the dark grey, silken bed sheets up round her neck.

Zavvi's hand sought Sara's hand under the covers.

"Right now," She echoed with a smile.

* * *

**So, there we go for another short amount of time 'til I feel the need to barf some more romantic crap out. I hate it when people are happy :/  
But it's getting to the point where I'm enjoying writing these author's notes more than the actual stories. I should go back to blogging. But no-one reads it. Rendering my LJ account useless. To be fair, my life isn't that exciting anyway... E. _got up today. Ate some food. Beat a nun to dead using a dead puppy. Criminal Minds is on tonight. Meh. Maybe it'll rain tomorrow. I can chase the ducks._**

**SO yeah. Read & review. You should know the drill by now. But if you don't, be nice to him. The drill sometimes joins us for scones and tea XD  
Sorry, I'm in one of those moods. But as it was so kindly pointed out to me, the review clicky-thing is not longer green (hrumph! FF trying to make me look a fool...) it's got a yellow speech bubble thing now (if memory serves me well). Nevertheless, click it. Even if it says "DO NOT CLICK THIS BUTTON" JUST FUCKING CLICK IT!  
THEN YELL, "FUCK YOU AND YOUR CONFORMIST VIEWS, YOU STUPID BUTTON! I WILL CLICK YOU IF I SO PLEASE!"  
However, do remember to leave a review, despite your moment of unadulterated rage. **

**And before anyone asks, yes, I am on drugs. They help in situations like that ^^ :)**

_**Keep Cool x **_


	14. The Dope Show

**Yay! New Chapter!  
Jeez, even I'm excited! This is only a short one, and to be honest, I'm not particularly happy with it, but I can't seem to identify the problem. Other than the fact that its just the run-up to the exciting stuff, so it feels a bit drab to write :/**

**However, my wonderful beta Kaylarea has once again, done a fantastic job, so much respect to her. Other than the fact that I obviously own CSI, and that's why I waste my time writing fanfiction (y'know, because I obviously own them, but I can't write the scripts and stuff, and that's why it's all in fanfiction... sure, whatever. Disclaimed.) and the lyrics of Sara & Zavvi's song is by a band called "+44" and the song is "Cliff Diving". I'm guessing Mark Hoppus wrote the lyrics, but to be quite honest, I don't really give a damn, they're also disclaimed. But check them out on YouTube. They're a really good band :)**

**Oh and (this is unusual for me - I don't really pay much attention to fashion haha) if you want to see Catherine's dress, just remove the *'s in this link:  
http:/*mydaughtersdresses.*com/*p1010151*.jpg**

**Enjoy :)**

* * *

It was the Saturday night before Cath told everyone that they were hitting the town on Sunday. Grissom finished giving out assignments, and wham - Catherine stepped up.

"Right guys. As you all should know, it's my birthday tomorrow. So I expect lots of gifts." The blonde grinned, "_but_not only that, bring your party pants, 'cos we all have the night off of work."

Nick grinned. "What, all of us?"

"Even Griss?" Warrick mocked.

"Alright, that's enough." Gil warned, causing Catherine to laugh.

"He better be there!"

* * *

"Hey Catherine," Greg called over the older woman.

"S'up Greggo?" she smiled easily, the grin lighting up her tired face; at least shift was almost over.

"About your do', tomorrow..." He trailed off awkwardly.

"Don't worry, you're invited. How could I leave out my fave lil' lab rat?" Catherine ruffled his spiky hair affectionately.

"Yeah, I don't think I'm going to be able to make it."

"What?"

"Neither is Sara." Greg grimaced.

"Why?" Catherine's tone was cold.

"Erm, I - I," The young man tripped blundered the simple excuse he had spent all night planning. "A friend is in town, and we both promised to go out with them months ago."

"And you're going to miss my birthday?"

"No, no, well, yes. Well, are you going to be out all night? Because we might be able to catch up with you after."

Catherine sighed, slightly deflated. "Don't worry about it Greg." The poor kid looked so heartbroken at having let her down.

"I got you a mega present though," he bounced back, with a grin. "I'll carry it with me tonight, just incase!"

"Well, have a nice time with your friend. You've got my cell number if you or Sara fancy joining us at any point."

Catherine smiled weakly, before turning away, back to even more goddamn paper work. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. That was just life.

* * *

Sara rubbed the back of her neck as her cell phone vibrated in her pocket.

Warrick looked up as the buzzing continued. "Someone's popular tonight..." He commented dryly.

Sara grinned. She knew exactly who it was. Since the other night, since she and Zav took that final step, everything seemed to have slotted into place. She couldn't keep the giant grin off of her face. It was just the way it was. The lyrics to "their" song, _she and Zavvi had a__song__!_, whirled round in her head. She gently hummed along, words forming in her mind, as she envisioned the chords she had learnt weeks ago.

"_Hey, silly girl, I think I've got a thing for you, from late nights when driving in this stolen car. The years we wasted living in this desert town, haven't broken us so far..."_

Warrick shook his head as Sara smiled idly. She seemed so different now, so happy and accepting of life. It was definitely a change for the better. She was like a sister to him, and if anyone deserved happiness in this life, it was Sara Sidle.

Pulling out her mobile, she smiled at the text. _"Hey gorgeous. Come round to mine tomorrow. I know you've got the night off ;) Oh & bring your guitar. Z xxx"_

Sara frowned gently. Zavvi had definitely planned something. But what?

* * *

Catherine checked her eyeliner for the third time that night. Warrick wasn't meant to be picking her up for another fifteen minutes, but she felt like she had dressed for her first ever date. Moby gently played in the background, and Cat smoothed out her little black dress. It was a Marilyn Monroe styled halter neck, except it was black and showed a respectable amount of cleavage. Just because she was an ex-dancer didn't mean she had to look like a slut.

The moment she saw it, she knew that "this was the dress" - the dress that would change the way he saw her. No longer would she just be "Cath", she would be more than that. So much more.

Lindsay was at her fathers, the house was tidy, she had put on clean sheets (just in case), and she was still early. This was getting crazy. He better show.

Across town Gil checked his appearance. Combing through his short, curly hair, he wondered what tonight would entail. He knew it was going to be an alcohol-fuelled evening - knowing Catherine they were going to hit the clubs, so it was going to be interesting.

His mind strolled to the usual lady of his dreams. Maybe, under the influence of alcohol he might dare to buy her a drink. Maybe even ask for a drink. Or even kiss. He couldn't screw this up.

*Jesus Gil, pull yourself together. Your over 40 years old - you know how to kiss a woman. It's not like you're some kind of virgin.*

He sighed, feeling his stomach twisting itself into knots. He would have to leave soon. But not too soon. He didn't want to be the first one there - that was just embarrassing. He really needed to go out more. This crap was way more stressful than he remembered. Christ almighty.

Warrick stepped out of his car. The slightly unbuttoned, silky shirt was cool against his strong, broad chest, his dark tan making his muscles shin slightly in the gentle streetlight. The only jeans he could find were dark stonewash, which had seemed suitable until he put them on. They were so tight, that Warrick was sure they must have been mislabelled, but by that time he was running late, and couldn't let Cath down.

His palms sweated as he stood casually, ringing the doorbell. As the door slowly opened, his mouth went drier than the desert. He completely didn't expect to see Cath looking that hot - it was as if all the words just froze in his throat. He was rendered completely incapable as he stood in the doorway, his mouth slightly open in shock, looking totally gormless.

"Hi 'Rick," She smiled, as he pulled himself together.

"Hey Cath, you look... incredible." He smiled as his dark eyes roamed over her taut body. Jesus, he knew she was attractive, but it was as if it was the first time he'd ever seen her.

Catherine blushed, as she smiled slightly.

Tonight was going to be interesting.

* * *

Sara pulled up outside Zavvi's flat, her guitar next to her. Knocking on the door, she heard Zavvi yell through. "Come on in..."

Pushing open the door, Sara sighed contently. The clean apartment was starting to feel like home. As she slipped off her jacket, a second voice startled her.

"You ready for tonight?"

"Jesus Greg! You made me jump out of my freakin' skin."

The grungy looking lab tech laughed. His hair was spiked slightly, and he wore a retro Led Zepplin shirt, and sleek stonewash jeans. For the second time, Sara realised that Greg was a really attractive guy. He was genuine, and actually cared. That was what mattered.

"Zav's in the bedroom," He informed the CSI, as his observant gaze followed her eyes to the bedroom door. "You've got it bad haven't ya?" He probed gently.

Sara snapped to attention. No-one was meant to know about her and Zavvi yet. It was a secret - it was their secret.

"What do you mean Greg?" she tried her best to backtrack but the damage had already been done. Greg knew. Sara prayed he didn't still have a thing for Zav. Or for her for that matter. This could prove awkward.

"I've seen so many people look at her like that - she just doesn't seem to notice." He shrugged, "But you're different. You two, you both seem different. You got it bad. But then again, so does she. I ain't never seen her like this. Ever." Greg's tone was matter-of-fact, but Sara sensed the underlying jealousy. She knew how that felt.

"I - I'm really sorry we didn't tell you Greg. We don't even know where we stand at the minute. Please don't be upset," Sara reached out for his arm.

Greg smiled weakly. "Why would I be upset? My two best girls are both happier than I've ever seen them, and you worry that I'll be upset," He enveloped the brunette into a bear hug, "I am so happy for you guys. I swear." He smiled, as Sara's perfume wafted into his nostrils. He hadn't even noticed her attire. Damn she looked hot. Skinny, ripped black jeans, a tight, dark grey T-shirt, some kind of fake leather jacket, smoky eye make-up, and her hair was slightly wavy. She looked incredible. And then there was her gorgeous smile. Zavvi had knocked style and smiles into one Miss Sidle, and it was definitely over due.

Zavvi leant against the bedroom doorframe, watching as Greg and Sara hugged. She really hoped Sara would be game for what she'd planned, but if not there was plenty of time to back out. It was only just gone seven p.m, and it wasn't their turn 'til half ten. There was loads of time to sort it out.

Zavvi felt the usual pre-show nerves coiling in her stomach. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all.

* * *

**Oooooooohhh the suspense is killing me :)  
Any ideas about Zavvi's surprise? I tried to make it quite obvious, but still a bit of guesswork is needed. Hehehe! Let me know using that thing we call the sexy review button XD  
****But anyway, I'm off on a Uni trip 'til Friday, so I'm not sure when the next update will be... I'll do what I can in my free time!**

**Keep Cool x**


	15. Disposable Teens

**I would first of all like to thank all of my multiple reviewers... So, jayjay, leigh03 & , much gratitude is sent your way. And so are internet cookies :) *nom nom nom***

**And a very special thank you goes to GSRCSILVR25. Darling, your reviews have been the main fuel for this fic, and you guess right about Zavvi's surprise. Internet cake AND cookies for you :D  
But yeah, here's another chapter of this lil' fiasco I appear to have create. I can't believe it's 15 chapters long already. I know it's been a while since I updated, but I was away on some stupid Uni trip to Wales (which sucks. Never go there, no offence if you live there, but seriously stones and seaweed do NOT class as a beach :|) and then I failed my driving test which resulted in me watching multiple episodes of House, drinking neat Jim Bean and eating way too much Ben & Jerry's. Now I'm fat, hungover and unable to drive. However I have learnt a lot more about medicine. Like, did you know that alcohol dehydrates cells, and therefore can temporarily shrink tumours. Yeah bitch, I like, know stuff & junk XD**

**But as usual, this has been sorted by my epic beta Kaylarea, and she can have internet cookies and cake too. But she gets internet cookies & cake whenever she edits stuff for me :)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Billy Joel's "Piano Man" floated gently in the background, as Gil sat at the empty bar. Despite having left at the last possible moment, he was still the first to arrive. Sod's law, really.

He hummed along aimlessly, _"And the waitress is practicing politics, as the businessman slowly gets stoned, yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinkin' alone"_, as he watched the ice in what was a scotch on the rocks slowly melt into the amber liquid. Worrying about his appearance for about the seventh time in as many minutes, he slicked his hand through his soft, greying hair.

"Drinking alone? That's never a good thing," Brass's jovial tone cut through the gentle rumble of punters conversation, as he and Archie pulled up stools next to Grissom.

Moments later Catherine was guided in, Warrick's hand possessively firm on her lower back.

"Hey there birthday girl!" Archie cheered, standing up to kiss a bashful Catherine on her cheek. Handing over a small gift-wrapped package, he grinned, as Warrick looked over silently.

"Cheers Archie, glad you could make it," The blonde smiled back.

"Well, someone has pulled out the stops tonight, Ms Willows," Brass winked and handed over his gift, before whispering across, "It's earrings. I still got the receipt if you need it..."

Catherine just laughed her gratitude, as Nick, complete with cowboy boots bounded over.

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late. Hey Cath," He panted.

"Right," Warrick clapped his hands, "I think that's everyone,"

Grissom's head snapped up. "What about Sara? And Greg"

Catherine smiled, recognising the "and Greg" as an afterthought. Sara was who was really on the scientists mind.

"They can't make it." Warrick stated.

"But they might catch up with us later." Cath quickly added on. "Anyway, you guys ready to hit the town?"

Gil frowned as everyone started to pull on coats and jackets. "What's wrong with this bar?"

Nicky raised his eyebrows, obviously surprised.

"What?" Grissom defended, "they play good music."

Jim snickered, "Okay Griss, but I think Cath is looking for something, say a little more upbeat."

The whole group laughed, as Grissom shook his head slightly. "Okay, onwards we go."

* * *

"The Zodiac Killer was never caught because there was not enough physical evidence. Therefore the only way to catch him is to create an accurate profile based on the contact between Zodiac and the reporter Paul Avery."

"No, the reason no-one caught Zodiac was because forensic science had not yet progressed to today's standards. Whilst you psychologists can still use the evidence for a profile, we can't collect viable fibres or DNA, because time will have destroyed it."

Greg rolled his eyes.

"Yes, and therefore forensic psychology is the only way to solve the case." Zavvi concluded.

"No, because could we recreate the evidence, forensic science would be the only way to get a conviction. Have you ever had a case in which the DA would go to court, with only a profile as evidence?"

"No, but once the unsub has been caught, there is a lot more evidence to work on. And we can't recreate the evidence, but with the right information we can build a geographical profile, to find a general area in which the killer lives, and a personality profile, which would tell us whether he was an introvert, if he liked the city or countryside, if he was a geek or a jock. We would also form a psychological profile, telling us his M.O., his signature, and his victimology. Privy to the right files, we could narrow the suspect pool down from thousands to tens."

"But that wouldn't get a conviction. You need the science behind the eviden-"

"Woah, girls, this light banter over a drink is getting a bit heavy. Besides, we can't recreate the evidence, nor are we privy to the right files, so it doesn't really matter, does it?"

Sara and Zavvi looked to each other and laughed.

"We're only mucking about Greg. Look, I'm off out for a smoke. Pre-show nerves," Zavvi grinned as she looked over her two friends. "You feeling okay babes?" She asked Sara, who was staring into her drink.

"Yeah fine. Just nervous."

"Don't worry hon, you'll be great," Zavvi smiled, as she pulled out her pack.

Greg stood up. "We've got plenty of time, you guys aren't on until 10pm... you going to be okay Sar, if I pop out with Zav for some fresh air."

"Yes, yes, I'm a big girl Greggo, I'll be fine." Sara laughed. She stood up and placed a gentle kiss on Zavvi's cheek. "I'll be here if you need me."

Zavvi smiled, returning the brunette's embrace. "I'll catch you later then."

* * *

Greg coughed through the cloud of smoke, billowing around him. "So much for fresh air." He grumbled.

"Shurrup'," Zav laughed.

She ran her slender fingers through her messy red hair, as she blew smoke out through her nose. Greg looked her up and down. Tight, black and white checked shirt, dark grey skinny jeans, biker boots and a purple bandanna round her right ankle. "Do you think this'll work?" She asked.

"What, tonight?"

"Yeah," smoke rings floated up onto the night sky.

"It'll be great. I bet you."

Zavvi just grinned. "I know. I guess it's all the usual adrenaline junk hitting me. We've got what? half an hour? Then we'll be doing an acoustic set for the first time ever, after a few hours just jamming together. It's just nerves."

"You were never nervous when you played gigs in New York."

"I know, it's just different."

"How? Zav, you played on your own - just you and your guitar - at Moby's café. He was in the crowd for crying out loud, and you're nervous about playing in front of 500 drunkards!"

"Well... yeah. I guess." Zavvi shrugged.

"Don't worry. You'll be fine," Greg laughed.

* * *

Catherine staggered down the road, Warrick's hand still firmly on her lower back. Stilettos were definitely not a good idea when walking down a cobbled street. She wasn't drunk enough for this shit. Nicky called out from behind Gil and Jim.

"Where to next then, birthday girl?"

"We're not sure Nicky," Warrick replied, his fingers rubbing small circles into Cath's lower back. "We'll just see where we end up."

Archie jogged, catching up from the back of the queue. "Damn, that girl was fine!"

Warrick laughed. "You get her number then?"

"Damn straight I did! Hey, isn't that Greg over there?"

Catherine frowned at the crowd of people twenty meters down the road. "Yeah, I think so... but that's not Sara he's with." She flicked the blonde hair out of her eyes. The night air was cool, and the gentle breeze served only to be annoying.

"Hey, Greg!" Nick called. "Why don't we go wherever he's at?"

Catherine shrugged and smiled. As their small party got closer to the lab rat, he looked over surprised.

"Hey guys, what you doing out here?" Greg ran his fingers through his spiked hair, suddenly feeling very self-conscious. Zavvi just continued to smoke as a small crowd gathered round Greg.

"I thought you & Sara were busy tonight?" Warrick slung his arm around the younger guys shoulders.

"Yeah, it's ermm, a gig. Guys, this is Zavvi." A crowd of faces turned to the red-headed woman, lent against the venues wall. Pulling her cigarette out of her mouth, she grinned comically.

"Agent Kerr?" Nick asked.

"Hey Nick. You having a goodnight?"

"Yeah. It's Cath's birthday, so we've got to have a good night, or..." His eyebrows danced across his head, as Catherine slapped his arm.

"Happy birthday babe," Zav laughed.

"Thanks," Catherine replied dryly, with a smile.

"So, who's playing tonight?" Archie butted in, his dark blue shirt blowing slightly in the night time wind.

Greg looked over to Zavvi, who just shrugged, taking another drag on her dying cigarette.

"You're the one she'll be mad at. I've got me a "get out of jail free card"..."

Greg laughed. "Bitch!"

Zavvi just laughed, stubbing out her cigarette. "Well, whether you stay or go, I hope you all have an epic time tonight, but I've got to go tune up. Catch you inside Greggo." Placing a small kiss on his cheek, she smiled at everyone else, before heading into the darkened bar.

Jim's eyes widened at the kiss. "So, who's going to kick your ass, and who is she?"

Greg laughed. "That's Zav, she's an old friend. And, well, Sara will be the one kicking my ass. In fact, you guys should come in and join me for the last few moments on this earth. Sara and Zav will be on stage in about twenty minutes."

"Sara? On stage?" Cath asked, incredulous. "What are they doing?"

"Well, it's a covers night, but I reckon Zavvi will slip in a few of her own songs."

Warrick spluttered, "What Sara's going to be singing on stage? Our Sara?"

"Yeah," Greg grinned, "our Sara. They're actually really good."

Catherine looked round her band of merry men. "Why not? However Greg it is your round!"

* * *

Sara sat at the bar, her hand shaking as she tried to pick up her soda. She had never performed on stage before. She should just go; no-one would know. She could call Zavvi tomorrow, and explain; it'd be okay. She could-

"Sar-bear?" Zavvi's husky voice snapped the brunette out of her reverie. "You okay babe?"

Sara smiled weakly. "Yeah, I'm just nervous."

"C'mere," Zavvi wrapped her arms around the older woman's slender frame, "You're going to be awesome. I promise."

"Kay." Sara murmed, as she pressed a gentle kiss on Zavvi's soft lips.

Zav smiled into the kiss, as she slowly rubbed her tongue across Sara's mouth, asking politely for permission. It was quickly granted.

Across the bar, Gil Grissom stood alone in the shadows, his heart slowly cracking. Sara was... gay? He'd was too late...

Pulling her head back, the taller redhead untangled her fingers from Sara's soft, brown hair, and ran them gently across her jawbone, and down her neck, pausing on the defined collarbone.

"C'mon hon. We're up next. Best go check in with the sound tech." Observing Sara's worried expression, Zavvi quickly grabbed her hand. "Don't worry. It's just you and me, yeah? We're gonna be fine. No-one else knows you here, except Greg."

Sara smiled slightly, "We're going to be fine." She repeated. "It's just you and me... you and me."

* * *

**Soooo... what will Gilbert do now huh? Teeheehee :)  
No worries, it'll all be sorted out in the next couple of chapters, I swear. Anyway, I totally have Griss down as a Billy Joel fan, simply because everyone needs a bit of Billy from time to time :) oh, and they kind of look similar (to ma anyway) on the Ultimate Collection album cover http:/*cdinfo.s201*.xrea.*com/media*/1/Billy*Joel*_*TheUltimate*Collection.*jpg (just remove the "*"'s)**

**^^ Now am I right, or am I right?  
And here comes the usual plead for reviews. I BEG YOU! It really means a lot :) And will of course make me update sooner! ;)**

**READ & REVIEW PLEASE-UMS! **

_**Keep Cool x**_


	16. SAint

**So, I've literally just watched the epi where Sara was kidnapped by the miniature killer (sorry if this is a spoiler, but I'm kinda blahhh at the minute. Stupid Carol Mendhelson) and have since updated my facebook status bullshit to this:  
****"Dear writers of CSI;****  
****I could have easily saved Sara Sidle in half the time it took that twat Grissom, simply by reading the script. And THEN you would have had 30 minutes of me & her getting freaky. People would pay to see that. Now how much better does the lady lovin' sound in comparison to some blahh-blahh-almost-dead scene? Thankies :)"**

**Does this suitably explain my angst at this situation? No. I am unbelievably pissed at "that twat Grissom" because he totally doesn't deserve her love muffin. I would have been all ninja like and bought a helicopter to fly round the desert til I found her. What did he do? Look at some fucking bug, whilst Nick was the one to find her. ARGH! Now does CBS understand why I should write for them? Think of all the money they would have made from a Sara Sidle sex scene? But no, I still don't own CSI, so blah blah blah, disclaimed. (I'm still pissed though)**

**& you can listen to the original song here - http:/www.*youtube.*com/*watch?v=*dNOcN8plcNo (remove the 4 "*"'s) - just imagine it as an acoustic version :)**

**But yeah, in my last chapter, I tried to thank all my multiple reviewers - once again, kudos & cookies for you - but apparently doesn't like "r a g e . e d i t" and won't publish your name, so I've had to put spaces in :)**

**Read & Review my minions -sorry for the delay in the update. Kudos to the fastest beta EVER by one miss kaylarea though :) I LOVE THIS WOMAN!**

**

* * *

**

Zavvi stood directly behind Sara, watching her every move, as the couple waited patiently at the stage entrance. The actual stage was in darkness as techies scuttled round, setting up amps, chairs, microphones; everything Zavvi had requested from the chief sound tech, Tommy. Beyond that was a sea of faces, a crowd waiting with their drinks, impatient for the next act to arrive, impatient to make that split second decision to cheer or heckle. Zavvi hoped for Sara's sake it was the former. She had been heckled off stage before, but by that point she was used to the adrenaline and would wind up fucked off her face on Tequila and Crystal Meth. She knew the band sounded awful. It was her fault. But Sara didn't deserve that reception - definitely not from her first show.

She grabbed her hand; it was cold and clammy, and Zav could feel the older brunette shake with nerves.

"Hey, babe, we're going to be okay, I promise ya."

Sara looked over her shoulder into Zav's confident, gray eyes and tried to smile her thanks.

"Besides," Zavvi whispered, "I'm the one with the cold hands if you don't quite remember?" Her other arm snaked round Sara's waist, slipping under her shirt and brushing across her lower abdomen, slowly fingering the button on Sara's dark jeans, desperately trying to distract the CSI.

Sara shivered in Zav's arms, as delicious thoughts ran through her head at breakneck speed. Several of them took place in the next five minutes. None of them contained clothes.

Giggling huskily, Sara muttered, "It's alright for you musician vets, but I'm a virgin..."

"You weren't acting like one the other night," Zav threw back instantly. "I seem to remember you screami-"

"Sssh," a mortified Sara hushed her, with another giggle.

The stage lights slowly grew brighter, and the crowd merged into a silhouette through the thin curtain.

"You ready?" Zavvi leant over Sara's shoulder.

Taking a deep breath, she replied, her tone distant and anxious. "As ready as I'll ever be..."

**

* * *

**

Grissom stood silently at the bar, patient and anxious, eager for the night to end. But he couldn't force himself to leave. Even if Sara was gay- even if she had _moved on_, he would always love, no,- _care_ for her. He just had to get these ridiculous romantic notions out of his head. He was a scientist for god's sake! Feelings were illogical and difficult to manage. They were friends. Nice and simple; just friends.

He knocked back another double bourbon, desperate for the numbing, calming effect of the alcohol. It wasn't working. He just felt nauseous and over-emotional. Maybe he should sit down.

Concentrating hard, he tried to successfully place one foot directly in front of the other, his hand still resting on the bar, should he stumble. The seat was on five feet away for fucks sake. He could manage this. It was just the alcohol thinning his blood, reducing his motor skills, making him erratic and woozy. He could do this.

Jim Brass watched Gil fumble around, as he waited patiently for the next round. Catherine was out on the dance floor with Warrick and Nick, twisting round them, sleek and elegant; much like a cat or a vixen. Greg and Archie were up near the soundboard, Archie talking shop, Greg clearly nervous and making sure everything was okay for his friends.  
But Gil - boy, was he wasted. Something must have happened. He had clearly dressed to impress tonight, and that could have only been for Sara, and now he was off his tits and drowning his sorrows.

For some strange reason, Brass got the feeling tonight wasn't going to end well.

**

* * *

**

The lights slowly rose, and Greg's heart was in his mouth. He watched every detail as Zavvi expertly strode across to the two seats, and grabbed one of the microphones. Sara walked close behind, her body tense and her mahogany eyes darting round, like a rabbit caught in the headlights. Well, in this case, stagelights.

"Hey there!" Zavvi yelled out. A half-hearted murmur called back, as some people cheered and the rest stood there expectantly. Sara sat down on the seat silently, as Zavvi stood at the front of the stage, brimming with her false confidence.

"Well you're a miserable bunch of bastards, aren't ya?" That got a decent response, as people laughed and cheered, as Zavvi peeled off her tight checkered shirt to reveal a plain black vest top. With a laugh, she grinned impishly. "Perverts!"

The mic was clicked back into its stand and Zav picked up the shiny black acoustic, Sara sat with her pale blue one straddling her thigh.

"So, it would seem we are here for your entertainment, this yonder evening," her British accent worked a charm, as the crowd began to listen, whistles and cheers reverberating in the small room. "And in which case, you my good sir's and lady's, will have to get me motivated. Can I hear you scream?"

The crowd yelled indistinguishable noises in response. Zavvi laughed, vaguely taken aback at the great response. "Bloody hell," she murmured to Sara, who couldn't help but smile.

"Right then. Now that everyone in Australia knows how much of a better night you're having lets get some music played. I'm Zavvi, and this sexy ladyface sat next to yours truly, is Sara, and she will be doing musical-thingys and singy-songy stuff tonight for you. So I reckon, it's only polite to say hello."

The crowd roared in appreciation. Greg could read the guilty smile on Zavvi's face, as Sara turned red. If the Brit knew anything, she definitely knew how to get a large group of people to do what she wanted. Well, she knew how to get _anyone_ to do what she wanted. It was definitely a skill.

Sara nodded at Zavvi, as she strummed a gentle chord. Zavvi leant forward into the mic.

"This one is called 'Chapter Thirteen'. It's by Plus44." Another yell rang out Zavvi started to play alongside Sara. Her husky voice soon started.

"_And my heart hangs from this noose, like your footsteps in crowded room, filled with sweet scents of autumn blooms, is this what you imagined?"_

Sara smiled, relaxing into her role, as Zavvi's stage presence gently eased her in. Maybe it wasn't so scary after all. Then again she hadn't started to sing yet.

"_Catch a glimpse from her empty stare, hidden eyes behind her soft brown hair..."_

'Wait? That wasn't the words... Zavvi was changing lyrics. Not much, but...', the brunette's eyes widened in panic.

Greg watched as surprise shot across Sara's face. Shit. Maybe he should have warned her that Zavvi has a tendency to do that.

"_...catch my breath for the smoke to clear, and it's just as it should be..."_

As Zavvi hit that last note, her eyes shot across for Sara to join in; it was the chorus, leaving Sara time for confidence to build up, before she sang alone. They both knew Sara had the better voice, but Zavvi had the alter-stage-ego with experience and confidence. It was a just a matter of letting Sara take the forefront in her own time.

Her softer, more feminine voice harmonised, pitch perfect as the chorus began. Greg's bottom jaw dropped, as Sara closed her eyes and relied only on her instinct.

"_My best laid plans, will build and break your heart. Her guilty hands, tear my whole world apart,"_Zavvi smiled proudly as Sara got stronger and stronger, louder and louder. _"My mind keeps racing, she's softly dreaming, I'm scraped and sober, but there's no-one listening..."_

This was the big moment. Sara took a deep breath, she was standing out alone. Zavvi would catch her - but only if she fell. Hell, she could solve a crime, shout down a murderer, sure she could sing in front of hundreds of people.

Shit. Hundreds of people? Bollocks, it was too late to leave now. Closing her eyes, the CSI recalled Zavvi's words; "just the two of us... just the two of us..."

"_And we'll wake in vacant rooms, pull you close to my aching skin..."_

Greg's eyes practically popped as Sara sang the soft words, the crowd going wild. Jesus, he knew she could sing, but fuck me! She could get a record deal or something with a voice like that!

"_...broken glass on the porcelain, is this what you imagined?"_

Sara heard the crowd scream, a smile played across her lips as they clapped the beat, and she could literally feel the pride and happiness radiating from the ever-mysterious Zavvi next to her.

"_We'll forget what we used to say, and our lives won't mean anything, you hold me close as I drift away, and it's just as it should be."_

Hell, if Zav changed the lyrics, so could she!

* * *

Gil watched Sara closely. He felt sick. He felt great. He felt proud. He felt disappointed. He would be better off leaving. He should be there for her though. He couldn't let go when he was so close.

She was so beautiful, so brave, so proud, so happy, up there on the stage. Their harmonies were perfect; _"and we'll both take our revenge, but we still don't feel any better,"_their voices overlapping, lyrics strong and proud.

Darkness encompassed him, tunnel vision took over. He couldn't look anywhere but her. She couldn't see him. He couldn't see anything but her. He didn't even notice the song coming to its climax. Clicking back to life as the track ended, and the crowd screamed its approval, a drink was placed in front of him. Twisting on his bar chair, a young man was sat next to him, his bright green eyes standing out in the dark light. Gil followed his gaze back to Zavvi and Sara on the stage.

"Drink up." He nodded towards the drink, the black beanie sat softly on his head, with dark brown hair flicking out from underneath. Gil took in his tall, thin appearance. The intricate sleeve tattoo, his slight stubble, black jeans, a vintage Rolling Stones shirt; he was definitely not one of Sara's friends. At least not the Sara he knew. And he had a foreign accent that Grissom couldn't quite place. European; definitely. North. Maybe Sweden? No Finland, possibly?

Whatever it was, it cut through the atmosphere like a knife, his tone portraying his pain. "It won't help you get over her, but it definitely helps her get over you."

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**Oooh, who's the new guy, who's the new guy?**

**Little twist methinks! You might find out some more next time, I'm all passionate & motivated again now. Angst ahead, my dear friends, angst is ahead.  
I don't think there's going to be many more chapters to this though - I'm not sure yet, because I don't want to drag it out to the point where people get bored of reading my shit and it dies a lonely, drawn out death, but on the other hand, I have a load of ideas of what could happen - a rollercoaster ride of emotions, highs, lows, angst, happiness, lots of sex (of course) and all the other goodies I like to give you. Including cookies.**

**And if you want your cookies, review me :) Just a few simple words to let me know where you want this to go - do Grissom & Sara get together? Do I keep Zavvi with Sara? Who's this new guy and how does he fit in to the story?**

**READ & REVIEW PWEASE PWEASE PWETTY PWEASE *cuteface***

_**Keep Cool x**_


	17. The Beautiful People

**Yay! New chapter! Again, it's been a while since I wrote more to this story, but I have been doing very little. So there's no excuse really. But I did make £200 in 3 days whilst working Bloodstock festival! And I kinda bought poppers, for my friends Alice In Wonderland party in the woods next week… should be interesting what with all the junk that's going to be going round :)**

**But yeah, here's another update for you all. As usual I will request reviews, it's really great to read them and I always will reply.**

**As always, another great beta from Kaylarea... I don't know what I'll do when this fic comes to an end. I'll have to find some more poetic bullshit to send her way :)**

**Oh, and can you remember the penguin from Madagascar (the one who says "smile & waves boys, smile & wave...) yeah? Awesome. Now imagine me dressed as a penguin. Got that? Okay, here goes...  
****"Read & Review boys, read and review..." XD**

**If that doesn't get you to talk to moi, I don't know what will. Only a truly cold-hearted bastard would refuse someone dressed as a penguin :P**

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Gil picked up the double whiskey in front of him. Eyeing it suspiciously, he took a sip. Well it didn't taste like it had been spiked. Ahh what the hell, it was a free drink at the end of the day. Did it really matter?

"So, the Sara chick," the gothic guy started. "How do you know her?"

Gil grimaced. "We work together."

Surprise shot across the younger man's face. "You in the music business too?"

Grissom almost laughed as a frown dented his forehead. "No, I'm a criminalist. Sara's one of my CSI's."

"Oh, sorry man. With a voice like that, she should have a record deal." His husky voice melted through the crowd's aggressive chanting for more.

"So, I'm guessing you're one of Zavvi's friends." Gil desperately tried to steer the conversation away from his relationship with Sara.

"Nope." The guy's face turned blank as he downed the double bourbon, and stood up.

"Nice meeting you man." Before Gil even thought up a reply, he had disappeared into the crowd.

* * *

The lights dimmed slightly and Sara knew she was going to have to start talking, whilst Zavvi changed her tuning. She couldn't just sit there all awkward and silent.

Bollocks.

"Erm, hey there. So, yeah." _ Dammit, what did she say? Fuck, fuck, fuck!_ "I'm Sara. I guess I'm a bit of a virgin to all this,"_well, that got a bit of a laugh…_"So you're gonna have to bear with me." _Hurry the fuck up Zav!_"Anyway, when that silly bint has finished tuning up, we're gonna have another song to play for you." _Thank goodness, they're laughing._

"Hey, watch your mouth woman!" Zavvi butted in as she finished up tuning. Sara quickly checked she was ready to play, and nodded at the redhead next to her.

"Right guys, you're gonna have to get going," Sara announced, "'cos this next song is a favourite of mine…" Sara couldn't help to look across to Zavvi, a smile threatening to break free. Her tone was quiet, and serious.

"This song is called 'Cliff Diving'"

As they both started to play, Sara finally got the courage up to let her eyes scan across the dark, smoky bar.

She could see Greg stood grinning at the mixing desk, next to the sound guy and a couple of punters precariously holding their drinks.

Sweeping across her breath hitched as she saw Warrick, stood with his arm around what could only have been Catherine? What the hell were they doing there? And Nick too, with Brass and a tray of drinks? They were all here… what the fuck…

Sara couldn't breathe, she was too hot in here, but she couldn't stop shivering. Everyone was too close, she needed space. Where the fuck was Zavvi? What was happening? Her dark mahogany eyes were wide as she caught Zavvi glance over to her.

The panic was clear on Sara's face. _Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks… She must have seen them…_ She stared hard in Sara's eyes and willed her to just keep playing, that's all she had to do, _don't run now Sara, please babe, just sit here and I'll sort it all out, I promise._

A weak smile passed over Sara's face, but Zavvi could see her looking pale as she leant towards the microphone… _Come on baby, you can do it…_

The words felt like a dead weight on her lips. Somehow they were no longer stuck in the back of her throat. Sara closed her eyes to the lights, the crowd, the smell of stage smoke and dark, dank bars. This was their song, she was going to sing it their way.

"_Hey silly girl, I think I've got a thing for you, from late nights and drinking in these empty bars…"_

Sara could vividly remember running from Zavvi's apartment, her heart pounding as fast as her feet, the smell of coppery blood rich in her nostrils, the feeling of betrayal, fear of leaving Greg there, fear that the woman she felt so strongly about could do such terrible deeds.

_"I was just wasting, living in this desert down, I hadn't broken in so far…"_She had never really viewed Vegas as much of a home per se.

She couldn't help but miss waking up to the sound of gentle waves, the nights out surfing on the San Franciscan sea, all the incredible beach parties.

Sara had seen more of Vegas in the last few weeks, than she had since she moved here. It wasn't just about the strip, all the casinos and bars. She & Zavvi had driven up to the hills, swam in the lakes, sped across empty miles of desert, music blaring, not a care in the world. They had spent Saturday nights in the middle of nowhere, a bottle of wine, a blanket, just stargazing and talking.

"_Hot afternoons we'd climb up to the highest point, breathe deep and jump into a weighted sky, I bet we were framed on the horizon, I felt the future in your eyes…"_

Was that weird? Deep down, Sara hoped that maybe, one day, Gil would understand. But she was still quite happy to spend every waking hour with Zavvi, just laughing and joking at all the stupid cop shows on TV that had no idea about evidence or suspects or how detailed and slow the forensic process really was. The nights curled up on the sofa, debating whether Cuddy and House or Scully and Mulder made a more attractive couple. They'd laugh as they agreed that if the opportunity arose, they would both do the "horizontal monster mash" with all involved. There were nights out and nights in, nights together, nights apart. No matter what was happening, Zavvi's quirky sense of humour always made her laugh though. It may not always be appropriate for her to get such… interesting texts at crime scenes, but the thought made her grin all day long. And made Zavvi grin most of the night too…

"_It was the promise of summer, let's seal it with a kiss, this time I'll do things proper… how did it get to this?"_

_

* * *

_

Sara leant back again, as Zavvi took the limelight, grinning at how Sara had used THEIR version of the song, not the boring old original.

"_Dear you, tonight let's get ahead of ourselves, 'cos right now I don't want to remember, yesterday stretched on for so long, tomorrow feels like forever…"_

It was so nice to have someone to talk to at last. Someone who understood what she did, and she knew she could trust. Someone who didn't just see her as another of the bureau's tools. Sara might not like her being in constant danger, but she supported her, and was always there after a rough day. Someone she could send a cheeky text to, when it all got a bit too much, when she needed some sort of mask to cover the FBI façade imposed upon her everyday life.

"_My god, you know how much I needed this, these days are filled with such disaster, with you my life will never feel the same, sometimes I think that's the answer… Here comes the promise of summer, let's seal it with a kiss, this time I'll do things proper, how did it get to this?"_

Zavvi finally let herself look to the crowd, they'd done it, played a couple of songs, maybe they had time for one more, and now they could party.

It didn't matter who was out there anymore. It wasn't like it could change the course of the evening now. All they had to do was finish their set (and from the sound of the crowd, it was going to end amicably) and hit the bar.

She could see Catherine's arms twined round Warrick as the slowly danced, Nick and Archie were talking to some cowgirls, Greg was still stood diligently at the sound desk next to the wonderful techie and some guy who seemed familiar. _Turn around… please turn around, it can't be him… It just can't be, I'd know him anywhere… please God no…_

The tall thin guy laughed at something Greg called into his ear before facing towards the stage.

Zavvi felt the bottom drop out of her world as she met his emerald green eyes.

* * *

**WOahhhhhhhhh BOMBSHELL! mwahahahahahaha!**

**So, who is he? Why is he here? What does he want?  
All will be revealed soon enough. I have the next chapter ready & waiting to be posted, in exchange for 5 measly reviews. I feel like I'm trying to sell shoes in Greece or something and have to barter for a living :/**

**Meh. I'll probably post it without the review tbh. However, this gives me a little time to finish of chapter 19 (well, start chapter 19... it's all semantics haha)**

_**Keep Cool x**_


	18. Antichrist Superstar

**SO, we are back again. I had a wicked time at the party if anyone's interested. I'm not going to account for it all, because it was a crazy night. However, I have a massive hole in my elbow where my best friend fell on me, and I hit the floor (like MAJOR OWCHIES!), there was a large amount of alcohol & smoking, I ate birthday cake XD and I totally pulled! Score! And I found she also writes fanfic... I can now admit it in public!  
(Seriously, like none of my friends know I'm on here. They shunned me for having X-Files quotes on my phone. I get the feeling they'd throw things at me if they knew how much of a geek I really am haha!)**

**Anyways, here's chapter 18, and if you're wanting to know what this guy looks like... http:/*/*i438*.*photo**bucket*.*com/albums/qq103*/Elianapit/Ville_*Valo_HIM_Lead_Singer*.*jpg**

**http:/*/*i13*.*photo**bucket*.*com/albums/a252*/Ely1972/H*elldone/Helldone247*.*jpg  
**

**http:/*/*img43*.*image**shack*.*us/*img43/6661*/VilleValo025-vi*.*jpg (Just remove the *'s as usual. And seriously, take a peek. This guy is cute . Now, a menage a trois involving me, him & Jorja Fox sounds like a good night haha)**

**Yeah, I know, right! Phwoar! XD**

**Enjoy!**

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_Recap: The tall thin guy laughed at something Greg called into his ear before facing towards the stage._

_Zavvi felt the bottom drop out of her world as she met his emerald green eyes._

It felt like he was only millimetres away, she could once again feel his body pressed to hers, feel his breath caress her ear, as they stood on the beach, his arms holding her midriff as he huskily pointed out the big dipper and all the other shitty constellation she tried so desperately to forget.

This couldn't be happening. She was going to be sick. The song had finished, but she hadn't even realised. She was on auto pilot.

How could he do this to her?

Sara looked over to her, she could feel her mahogany eyes running over what must be white-pale skin. She felt like a ghost. But she couldn't look away.

She wouldn't give the bastard the satisfaction.

Leaning forward, she quietly announced, "Well guys, we've got five minutes left, so I reckon we can squeeze in one more tune, don't you Sar? Anyway, this one is yet another Plus 44, don't blame me, it's covers night, Jimmy'll get mad and never let me gig here again, if we play anything but. Right, this one is called 'No It Isn't'."

She could feel Sara tense in surprise next to her. She knew Sara could play the guitar pattern, but she had no idea about the lyrics. Why couldn't she pull her eyes away from that fucking asshole just for five seconds, to reassure her girlfriend.

This was fucking ridiculous.

_What the fuck is Zavvi doing? Who the hell is she staring so intently at? _Sara tried to look away from the younger woman sat beside her, but couldn't help but try to catch her eye.

If everyone at the lab hadn't already figured it out, they definitely had by now. All she could do was strum and hope Zavvi would look at her. Instead of at some faceless figure, deep in the crowd.

As Zavvi started singing, Sara realised she had only ever heard the instrumental version, the lyrics were a complete mystery to her. But Zavvi's tender voice showed real emotion. If she didn't know Zavvi as well as she did, Sara would have sworn there were tears glistening in those enchanting gray eyes.

"_Please understand, this isn't just goodbye, this is I can't stand you. This is where the road, crashed into the ocean, it rises all around me, and now we're barely breathing, a thousand reasons we'll choose to ignore…"_

It hit Sara then. Zavvi didn't do anything without a damn good reason. She wasn't zoning out, she was high, or drunk, or buzzing. She was singing to someone. This song had been chosen for a reason. The same reason she couldn't tear those damp eyes away.

"_Curse my enemies forever, let's slit out wrists and burn down something beautiful. This desperation, leaves me overjoyed, with fading lights that lead me past lives I've seen destroyed."_

_

* * *

_

Why was he here? Why now? Fuck's sake, what had he got to prove now? Wasn't that saying about letting sleeping dogs lie? The past is the past and all that bullshit?

What about dead dogs… are you meant to let them lie as well? This was like exhuming a corpse that died years ago. There wasn't even a skeleton between them. Please don't dig up the past now…

"_I listened to you cry, I cried for less attention, but both your hands were tied, and I'm pushed into the deep end. I listened to you talk, but talk is cheap, and my mouth was filled with blood, from trying not to speak. So search for an excuse, for someone to believe you, as foreign countries loom, and I'm empty with the need to. Curse my enemies forever, let's slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful. This desperation, left me overjoyed, with fading lights that lead me past lives I've seen destroyed._

_Please understand, I lay rotting where I fall, I'm dead from your intentions, nothing that we could stall, and all my dreams were captive. You swore we wouldn't lose, then lost your brain. You make a sound that feels like pain, so please understand, this isn't just goodbye… This is I can't stand you."_

Zavvi looked down as she reached to wipe the lone tear from her cheek. She couldn't look at Sara right now. She couldn't look at anyone. _Fucking hell. Fuck, fuck, FUCK!_ She needed a drink. She needed something stronger. Sara couldn't know. The barman was swinging dope. It would only be one time. She had said that last time. _FUCK!_ She needed to clear her mind. And needed it now.

"Great, well, thanks everyone," Zavvi's tone was small and shaky, "I'm pretty sure we've had a good night," the crowd roared… it wasn't helping. "And from the sound of it, you have too! Right guys, I just want one last cheer for my wonderful friend here Sara, and that's us done! Have a good night."

Zavvi stood on wobbly legs as she waved and walked off stage, Sara merely steps behind her.

She could hear the gentle, concerned tone in Sara's voice. "Babe, are you okay?"

Zavvi couldn't think of anything to say. Particularly nothing that would describe her emotions at this point in time.

"I need a drink."

That about covered it.

* * *

As Sara reached the bar, her hand barely touching Zavvi's lower back the whole team crowded around her.

"Oh my god Sara, where did you learn to sing like that?"

"That was awesome Sar."

"So, why aren't you a professional musician?"

Their voices were a blur, she could hear them all talking but nothing seemed to push through the haze encompassing her brain. _Oh my god. I can't believe we just played on stage. So this is the adrenaline rush Zav was talking about. Fuck me it feels good._She could hear Catherine ordering another round of drinks, Greg was trying to talk to Zavvi about something, Warrick was pushing a cold glass into her hand. Everything was buzzing around her, and somewhere in all of the commotion she had lost Zavvi. They were side by side, and now Sara couldn't feel her thin frame against the palm of her hand.

The thin brunette span round, her eyes searching for the tall athletic body she knew so well, the mop of bright red hair that so often fell bashfully across the fine-boned face, encrusted with the two cool, grey eyes that sparkled like silver.

Oxygen rushed to the CSI's deprived lungs, as her sight rested upon her partner. She released the breath she wasn't aware she had been holding. Everything seemed calmer, more at ease. It was okay, Grissom wasn't even here, it didn't matter what anyone saw.

Sara snapped back to the conversation she had somehow been holding with Catherine and Warrick. God only knew what it was about. A gentle touch to her shoulder snapped Sara out of her revere.

"Babe, I'm just going outside for a smoke." Zavvi's tone was quiet and deep.

"I'll join y-" Before Sara could even finish her sentence Zavvi had already started shaking her head.

"Stay. It's Catherine's birthday. Party a little. I'm only going out back, I'll be there if you need me. But seriously babe, you guys have some fun."

The small plastic baggie in Zav's pocket was smooth beneath her fingers. Sara couldn't know about this. _Fuck, fuck, fuck… what the fuck are you doing?_ Sara will kill you! Well, not if she doesn't find out... Zavvi smiled confidently as Sara conceded.

"Okay. I'll catch you in a bit." She smiled, and with that Zavvi was gone.

* * *

The paper was difficult to hold still in the wind and Zavvi had to tear apart a cigarette for some tobacco. The roach wouldn't roll and she didn't have a grinder. Resorting to pulling apart the marijuana buds using her finger nails, it seemed life was drastically going downhill.  
At least no-one was going to bother her back here. With the garbage and empty bottles.

As she finally rolled a satisfactory joint, the wind had cooled and second thoughts were flying through her head. _What if Sara finds out? She could lose her job. Hell YOU could lose your job. Random drug screens. It's going to take at least three months to get all the trace out of your system. But you need it right now. You need to forget. To let all this be a blur, to forget you ever saw him tonight. How can one person cause so much shit?_

The smoke tasted good. The first few drags were blanks, but as the chemicals made their way to Zavvi's brain, she could feel the numbness spread.

The door creaked behind her. She knew he was there. There was just something about his fucking presence that still made every hair on the back of her neck stand up. Even now.

She didn't even need to hear him speak to be able to recall his voice. So deep and husky. A sexy accent which he could use as and when he wanted. He still wore the same aftershave. She'd know it a mile off. This was ridiculous.

"I thought we quit drugs." She couldn't face him. Not now. Not ever.

"I quit." He had never heard her sound like that before. Not even that last night in Helsinki had she sounded so… broken.

"Za-" He couldn't even say her name.

"Why are you here? Why now? What do you want Ville?" Zavvi was torn between anger and defeat. Her heart raged in her chest, whilst rationality kicked around in her head.

His answer was simple. But then again, everything always had been with Ville.

"You."

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**Ba-bing, ba-bong! **

**Don't worry guys, if you're in any way confused, hopefully I'll resolve all that in the next few chapters - there's not many left now. We're reaching the end and I' not very good at fluff, so I'm going to kill it when I run out of steam.**

**Anyhoo, I hope you're enjoying this like I have been. And my awesome beta Kaylarea has been. (or so she says!)**

**_Keep Cool x_**


	19. Heart Shaped Glasses

**Hey all :)**  
**So, we finally have another chapter in this ongoing charade. To be honest I'm not completely happy with this chapter (there's very little Sara in it, although I tried to sspice it up towards th eend. Hopefully it will offend none & please many!) but I know it's been a while since I updated. But yeah, another fantastic beta from _Kaylarea_ and I hope this backstory helps it all make sense.  
Oh & I've got awesome news (for me, not for you...) for my English coursework I have to transform a piece of text. I have a list of shitty authors to choose from. Guess what I'm doing - changing Shakespeare's MacBeth into a short story about CSI! And technically, college have said I can use the actual TV characters without it being classed as plagiarism!****So I have now convinced my mother that by sitting in front of the TV watching multiple episodes of CSI constitutes as revision, because I'm doing a character study! Go me! .**

**So yeah, the usual drill is required in the form of read and review. Well, to be honest, you don't even need to read it. Just review and I'll be happy :)**

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She looked away. She had to look away. Zavvi could already feel herself submitting under those emerald eyes. _Fucks sake, how can he still do this to me?_

"Look, it's been almost six years since you last saw. What the fuck do you really want, and don't give me anymore of that pathetic, poetic bullshit you love to sell. I'm done with the head games Ville, I've moved on."

The crinkly smile she used to love caressed his lips. _How could something you used to adore so easily become something you truly despise? _Zavvi silently mused.

"We were never over. I know you, the real you."

"People change," She sharply cut in.

"You haven't. I can see it in your eyes. I miss you."

Her brow furrowed, as she sharply span round, only to be so close she could feel the heat radiate from his chest.

"Come back. You shouldn't have left the music industry, you have so much talent. You shouldn't have left me."

Zavvi desperately tried to keep her anger from boiling over as her head swam. "Don't you fucking preach to me, you fucking asshole! I'm actually making a difference to the world, whilst you lock yourself in sodding attics writing pathetic poetry and wishing you were Edgar Allen fucking Poe. Well, you're not! You wanted to write songs about fucking heartache, well is this shit painful enough for you? Because it sure is for me. Is that why you're really here, you needed some inspiration for another album so you can get all your teenage fangirls throwing their dripping panties at you, whilst throughout the whole tour, you're just thinking who's gonna make the best fucking groupie?"

"I resent that." He growled. "You know damn straight that I never cheated on you, and especially not with some generic groupie."

"Oh, I'm sorry I hurt you so badly. Are we through now, can you go and let me smoke away my career in peace?" Her sarcastic tone was brimming with unshed tears.

"No, I'm afraid I can't. I miss you so much. Six fucking years and I've not so much as looked at another woman. It's fucking ridiculous babe, please, can we just talk this out, I'm sorry."

"Words are all good and proper Ville, but you weren't there when I fucking needed you man. Nothing can change that."

She took a final drag on the almost-dead spliff.

"I'm not sorry for doing what I did Ville. You knew I wanted to move to New York and study forensics from the start. It's part of who I am. I'm sorry it hurt so much. I'm sorry it still hurts. But even if I could change things, I wouldn't."

With that the young woman turned and marched into the bar. Dejected and cold, Ville remained stood outside, cursing his idiotic ways. He had to find a way to make her remember. There had to be something.

* * *

Sara leant against the bar, idly twiddling her thumbs. She was still quite surprised Grissom wasn't here, what with everyone else from the lab being present.

On the other hand, at least she could relax. She might be completely at ease with everyone else knowing about her and Zav, but facing Grissom would be another matter entirely. Especially when he looked at her with those ocean-blue eyes, dammit.

Besides why risk something good when there's not much available that's better.

Catherine was either very drunk or very happy, Sara mused as she watched the blonde twine her body with the tall, dark and handsome CSI Brown. It was inevitable the two of them were going to get together, but what with lab rules, Sara was surprised they were so damn open about it.

Lost in her thoughts, Sara was surprised to see Zavvi stalking across the floor towards her.

"Babe, are you okay?" Her sentence was barely off of the tip of her tongue before Zavvi was downing the rest of Sara's double vodka and cranberry.

"Can we go?" The younger woman looked for Sara's approval before marching backstage to get her things.

As Sara watched her walk away, she could practically read the pain radiating off of the FBI agent. However, she held herself together beautifully, fake smile plastered perfectly on the delicate features of her face. If Sara hadn't seen Zavvi at her lowest, leaving the "office" in the flat, before the murderer-slash-rapist-profiling-detox, she could never have guessed her lover was hurting so badly.

As she rushed after Zav, whilst texting Greg a quick "going back to Z's, not feeling well, say sorry to Cat x".

As she slipped her arm round a shaking Zavvi's waist, Sara kissed her gently on the cheek.

"It's okay babe, it's just you and me. You and me." Her whisper breezed against the tanned cheek.

Zavvi valiantly tried to smile as she reached down to pick up the two guitar cases.

"Lets just get out of here." Zavvi replied slowly.

* * *

The front door crashed behind Sara, as Zavvi leant both guitar against the wall and inhaled deeply.

"Drink?" She asked, stepping through to the other room.

Sara desperately tried to summon up the courage to confront Zavvi. Something was definitely wrong, but the truth was, Sara was scared of what that could be. Something must have happened at the gig.

"Babe. I, I erm-" S_hit! What do I say! Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks… _"Are you okay? Do you, do you want to talk?"

There was no response from the kitchen, other than the distinctive sound of a cork being pulled from a bottle.

"Zavvi?" Sara wandered through to the kitchen, only to find Zavvi leant with her back to the cabinets, eyes tightly shut, corkscrew in one hand, half-empty glass in the other.

The CSI slid her arms around the taller woman's slender waist and nuzzled into her neck. Feeling Zav place the items on the counter, she looked up into Zavvi's intense gaze.

The tension in the room crackled as the two women just absorbed each other's vibes.

Her voice was thick with emotion, passion and anger.

"I want you tonight Sar. All of you."

Sara was quite happy to comply, despite being completely aware it was mainly just an avoidance tactic.

Sliding her arms around Sara's thighs, Zavvi span and lifted her lover onto the counter, thrusting her tongue deep into Sara's warm mouth.

However they could always talk in the morning.

Sara's hand knotted through Zavvi's hair, as she pulled her closer, their bodies perfectly aligned. A quick thrust of Zav's hips and Sara moaned deeply into her mouth, pulling even harder on her hair. She used her other hand to scratch down Zavvi's lower back, causing yet another thrust, as the FBI agent arched away from the delicious sensations running across her lower back.

It was payback time. Zav started her assault on Sara's neck, nipping gently at her pulse point, before working down to suck on her smooth collarbone. She was like putty in the English woman's hands.

Sara slid off of the counter, bringing them almost face-to-face, as she pushed Zavvi back into the opposite wall. Pinning both hands either side her torso, Sara homed in on Zav's sweet lips. She was fully aware that Zavvi could easily overpower her, but right now, submission was what she needed.

Their lips met in a fierce battle of control.

Clothing was quickly ripped off and flung across the room, as they attempted to make it back to the bedroom. They almost made it as far as the couch. Almost.

Cold hands on burning hot skin. Lips caressing aching flesh. It was not making love, it was pure, animalistic desire. Hot and heavy, it was everything that they needed, but needed least of all.

"I need you tonight Sara," her breathing was laboured as she tried to make the words make sense in her head. "I need you to make me forget."

* * *

**I like the lesbian loving. I wanted to put some more in but I think a few readers are still stuck on the whole Sara/Grissom thing. To be fair I did advertise as a GSR fic, and eventually that's what it can be. But Sara needs some fun, and who better to provide it than our very own Zavvi, right?  
I know you agree really. Let me know where you think the smut limit should be, and how much pr0n is socially acceptable. If you want more, I will give it to you like a bitch in heat. You want less, I can (try to) be as neat as a nun. Your call! XD**

**_Keep Cool x_**


	20. The Fight Song

**Hey all.**

**Before I start, I would just like to acknowledge I know I haven't been up to scratch lately, and I have barely posted. I do honestly apologize for that, and hopefully, with this fic you won't have much longer to wait. Thank you so much to everyone out there who has taken the time to review or favourite this, it really means a lot. However if you haven't, give it a try. Seriously, it works wonders ;)**

**Just a quick warning here; I have definitely tried (and hopefully succeeded, let me know though?) to live up to the M-Rating with this chapter. But I understand so of you aren't really into the F/F scene. Which is fair enough, everyone has different ideals. I've placed the lesbian smut in bold though, just incase you don't want to read it. Nothing too important happens, and there's a quick summary of what you missed (PG-13 stylings baby!) underneath it, in brackets & italics.**

**However, a quick thankyou to my darling Kaylarea, and on to the fic. Enjoy :)**

* * *

Their tongues fought in an unwinnable battle, as clothing was shed across the room. Sara knew something was amiss, Zavvi had seen someone at that club, someone from the past. She had seen something from a history she clearly didn't want to deal with yet. No-one had ever told Sara she was "needed". Especially not "needed to make them forget". It just didn't feel right.

Sara kept her eyes closed.

Zavvi kept her eyes open.

She didn't want to see it, not quite yet. She didn't want to see herself in his arms - if she kept her eyes on Sara, she wouldn't be able to pretend it was his kiss. No, not yet. Sara was everything she wanted, everything she needed. Sara was right there, in her arms. Sara. Sara. Sara.

Ghosts are best left forgotten.

At least, that's what she told herself.

* * *

Grissom knocked back yet another double bourbon. What the fuck? Sara… was with… a woman? No, it couldn't be right, that wasn't Sara, not his Sara. It must have been someone else. Maybe a doppelganger? A doppelganger with the same name.

That made more sense than his Sara being a lesbian.

Standing up his head started to spin. Catherine was still dripping off of Warrick on the dance floor, Nick seemed quite happy with some dark-haired temptress, and Archie and Brass were sitting with Greg in a booth in the other side of the room.

Stumbling over, Griss tried to make sense of his head. "Who… who is she?" His words were slurred and jumbled.

Archie looked over to Greg in confusion. "Are you okay Grissom? Dya' want us to get you a taxi home?"

"No!" Grissom roared. He pointed straight at Greg as he wavered slightly, his balance poor. "Who is she? S-Sara's friend. Sara's, not gay. Not Sara…" His sentence trailed off into nothing.

"You mean Zavvi," Brass interrupted. Turning to Greg he smiled; "She seems a nice girl," simply infuriating Gil even more.

"Wher-Where does she live?"

"Griss, you're in no state -" Greg was quickly interrupted.

"Dammit Greg, where is my Sara? Do you still want a j-job in the morning?"

"Erm, Zav lives in the Colt Apartments - it's off of 45th. Apartment Seventeen."

Grissom wobbled a bit as he brought his hand back to his side.

"See that wasn't t-too hard now, w-was it Greggo?"

* * *

****WARNING; HERE BE SMUT!****

**Clothes were swiftly divested of, a trail lead haphazardly towards the cosmopolitan styled bedroom. Files on tables crashed to the floor, as bodies smashed into the walls, almost as if Sara & Zavvi were trying to be close enough to absorb one another.**

**Zavvi bounced them across the short hallway, pressing Sara against the cool wall, using her own body as restrainsts.**

**One hand held both of Sara's above her head, whilst Zav attacked Sara's neck, sucking and gently nipping her pulse point. Her other hand scratched down Sara's ribs, before sneaking under her bra to roll a nipple between her thin, musician's fingers. The slight pinch of the FBI Agent's fingernails was incredible, and Sara pushed up into it. The line between pain and pleasure was indefinitely blurred. How could anything feel this good?**

**Sliding her finger's down to cup Zavvi's firm ass, the older woman moaned loudly. It was so fucking good. Her left hand snuck round to the front. She needed to show Zavvi how good it felt. She needed Zavvi to understand exactly what she was doing to her.**

**She slipped her cold hand down into Zavvi's boxers. The design and motif was pretty cute - "Bite Me!" with lots of little cherries on - but what was hidden beneath was where Sara's interest truly lay.**

**The contrast of Sar's cool digits on her clit was incredible. Zavvi moaned deeply, throwing her head back, as Sara pushed them to the opposite wall. Her chest flushed, rising and falling rapidly as she panted, desperate for more. As Zavvi latched her open mouth onto Sara's recently exposed breast, the brunette swiftly slipped two fingers into Zav's warm, dripping, depths.**

**If Zavvi ever saw how her hips bucked up at the contact, how Sara's eyelids flickered, how the pair of them moved in tandems, she would probably liken it to a bad, lesbian porn movie, as the two women fought for dominance, a feisty duel to make their partner come first.**

**But it was exactly what she needed. Even with Sara right there in front of her, the CSI's fingers deep in her pussy, the slight smell of arousal and the flowery perfume Sara always wore, Zavvi was struggling to keep him out of her mind.**

**A loud crash came from the front door, just as Sara added a third finger, intensifying Zavvi's pleasure so much.**

**Neither were concerned with the noise, until a drunken mumbling prompted Zav to stop her ministrations. Pulling her lips away from Sara's, Zavvi whispered gently, "Go and hid in my room. I'm going to find out who the fuck it is."**

**A worried look crossed Sara's face, as she almost protested leaving her, but watch Zavvi cock her standard-issue Sig, she knew the FBI agent knew exactly how to handle the situation.**

_(summary of lesbian smuttyness; hot sex, Zavvi trying not to think about Ville, there's large crash in the front room, Zavvi sends Sara to the bedroom, whilst going to check it out with her gun)_

Grissom hadn't expected to face the barrel of a gun that evening. Especially not one wielded by a half-naked FBI agent.

He instantly knew what he had just interrupted. The smell of pussy lingered in the air, and Zavvi's face was flushed and her hair a complete mess.

He couldn't concentrate on a thing. God knows how much he paid the taxi driver. Just one word circulated through his brain, over and over. Sara.

Meekly, he slurred, "Sara? Sara are you there?"

Dropping the gun, Zavvi made her way to the bedroom.

"Sara, I think you might want to sort this."

As the three stood in her living room, Zavvi could tell something was wrong. This little triangle was disjointed.

It was eerily silent, as Grissom looked Sara straight in the eye.

"Sara, tell me I'm not too late." His voice was steady and sober, as a single tear ran steadily down his cheek.

It was time to make scarce.

* * *

Zavvi drove.

And drove.

She didn't even know where she was going.

She was in no state to drive. She was definitely over the legal limit.

The coat she'd grabbed on the way out thankfully covered her nudity.

She'd lost Sara - she could tell.

A piece of card sat on the dashboard, the handwriting almost illegible, but completely recognisable.

She sat looking at the no vacancy sign. Her eyes were drawn back to the dog-eared business card.

"Kingstone Hotel. Room Twelve.

Just one more chance.

Ville"

Getting out of the car, Zavvi looked up to the stars in the night sky.

"_Please God, don't let this be a mistake…"_

* * *

**Read & review? pwetty pwease?**

**And ****there we have it. Just a couple of chapters left now guys, hopefully I should have them both posted by the end of the month :)**

_**Keep Cool x**_


	21. Wormboy Gil & Sara ending

**Okay, people PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not hurt me. It has been an exceedingly long long long long time since I updated. Like, a reallyyyyyy long time. However, so much stuff has been happening my life that I simply haven't even had the time to turn on my laptop let alone write anything. But, I did it. Between the manic xmas charade, and numerous band rehearsals, ever-growing pile of work I have to finish, I somehow managed to finish it off, and give you all the ending you deserve.**

**Feel free to chastise me for my lack of dedication in any reviews.  
But yeah, I kinda know I suck already :(**

**So here's how I've decided to play it. So far, everyone else seems torn between a Sara/Gil ending or a Sara/Zavvi ending.  
****So I wrote both. And now it's up to you to choose. I have posted both endings - this one is Sara/Gil and chapter 22 will be Sara/Zavvi.**

**This chapter is dedicated to nolongerstrong because it was their review that reminded me of my responsibilities to my readers ;)**

**As always, beta-ed by my lovely lovely kaylarea. She really is an angel, and it has been a total honour to work with her.**

**Enjoy.**

**

* * *

**

*********PAY ATTENTION MINIONS! THIS IS THE SARA/GRISSOM ENDING!*******  
YOU CAN FIND THE SARA/ZAVVI ENDING IN THE NEXT CHAPTER  
****However feel free to read both. Both end happily, I assure you :) **

_Chapter20 recap: Sara & Zavvi are about to get funkehh, when Grissom turns up all drunk and shouting. Zavvi leaves and turns up at Ville's hotel._

"Gil, sit down." Sara stood wrapped a dressing gown as she desperately tried to smooth her 'sex-hair' and disguise the fact he had literally interrupted what was going to be the best fuck of her life.

"Sara-"

"Gil, sit down, and we'll talk. Okay? Just, just sit down please."

He obeyed, despite his mind screaming to just kiss her. Talking could be postponed.

After a few seconds of awkward silence, Sara sighed. "Talk to me Griss. What happened to us, where are we right now? We used to be so close, but now I don't know where we stand. Tell me what you want from me Gil. Please."

Rubbing at his eyes, the CSI supervisor's shoulders dropped. "I - I don't know anymore Sara. I don't know where we are. But I know that I miss you."

"I miss you too Gil."

"Sara, am I too late? I know what I want. I've always known. I was just scared."

"Why-" Sara pressed her temples. "Why now Gil? Everything has been so good for me, why ruin it now?"

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin…" his words trailed off into nothing.

Sara gasped as it sunk in what she had actually said.

"Dammit, I didn't mean it like that. You're not ruining anything. But, why now Gil? What's changed?"

"Everything. I - I'm losing you. You're moving on. I don't want you to go Sar."

"Are you saying what I think you're saying Grissom?" Sara could barely breathe, anticipation pressing hard upon her chest. Could this be what she had been waiting for for so long? Could Gil actually be saying he wanted her?

"I guess I'm saying, I want to give it a go Sara. You and me. I want us."

Her gentle mahogany eyes met his cerulean blue. A million and one thoughts rushed through her mind. What about Zavvi? What about work? What if they broke up? Could she survive a blow like that? Was it worth the risk?

Leaning forward, Gil took her face into his calloused palm, silently marveling at how they fit together so perfectly.

His lips softly brushed hers, as he waited for reciprocation. It was the make or break moment.  
And slowly, just as he was giving up, her warm lips opened below his and her tongue tentatively slipped into his mouth. It was perfect. Everything he could have imagined and more.

But then she stopped, her brown eyes questioning his.

"Are you serious Gil? Because if so, if you really want to make a go of this, I will end it with Zavvi. But you've got to mean this. I'm in it for the long run." A tear formed in the corner of her eye at this thought. She had wanted this for so long, but what she and Zavvi had was so amazing.

"Sara, I've wanted this since San Francisco. I want us."

His answer said everything she needed to hear. Smiling, she lent forward and kissed him passionately on the lips. She knew deep down it was the right decision. Sara just hoped Zavvi would see it the same way.

"Okay then."

Gil's face broke into a huge grin.

And Sara couldn't help but grin back.

* * *

_*Ring ring. ring ring*_

Zavvi leaned against the drivers door, staring at the vibrating phone in her hand.

Greg's name flashed across her screen. She knew he was ringing to apologize. There was no other way for Grissom to know where she lived without being told. And Greg was the only one in the bar who knew.

She would place money on the fact he was feeling awful. With a twinge of guilt she turned the phone off, silencing the incessant buzzing.

She didn't need to be told Sara was going back to Gil. She saw it in the brunette's eyes when the drunken supervisor stumbled towards the couch. It was going to happen sooner or later. Completely inevitable. She didn't need to be a profiler to know how deeply Sara felt for the guy. Even if the CSI didn't know it herself, Zavvi had known all along that one day Sara would go back to Gil.

Looking once again from the dog-eared card Ville had slipped into her pocket, up to his hotel room door, thoughts raced through her head.

Before her overactive mind could compartmentalize and rationalize her actions, her knuckles were knocking upon the wooden door.

A single tear cascaded down her cheek.

It was seconds before his arms were holding her tight to his chest.

He had instinctively known what to do. For the first time since she broke down in Greg's old New York apartment, Zavvi let go. She let go of everything she felt, and fell straight into the open arms of her past. The past she had spent so long running from.

His voice was deep and soothing, calming her wrought nerves.

"Sssh, honey it's okay. It's going to be okay, I promise you. You want to talk about it?"

Slowly allowing herself to be guided to the couch, Zavvi shook with unshed tears.  
"I - I'm sorry about earlier Ville. It's -it's just." her voice cracked.

Sitting down with his arm holding her close, his breathe was warm and ticklish on her neck.

"Now we both know that's not why you're here. It's me Zav. I know you; our unconventional meeting would definitely have not driven you crying and drunk into my arms. What's happened with Sara?" His voice was barely a whisper, yet still rang in her ears.

Sniffling and trying not to laugh, Zavvi faked a weak smile. "You know, you should probably be the profiler."

"Stop digressing babes. Talk to me, what's happened?"

"Sara is going to leave me. I knew it was going to happen at some point, I guess I just didn't expect it to hurt this bad." Zavvi stuttered on.

"Hey, calm down honey. Has she told you it's over?"

"N-no"

"Then how do you know she's going to leave you?" Ville wiped the drying tears from the redhead's cheek with the soft pad of his thumb.

"Hello, my name is Zavvi Kerr. I'm the youngest profiler to work for the FBI, ever. I study human behaviour for a living. I don't believe we've met." Her sarcasm burnt through the mess in her mind.

Laughing slightly Ville ducked his head in concession.

"Okay, okay. You've got a point. But if you love her so much, why are you here? She was with you, so she must have some feelings for you Zav. You're an amazing woman. Don't give up on her. If you want her, you should be over there fighting for her. Not sat here with me."

"That's the problem. It's not that she's leaving me that hurts. The fact that it doesn't hurt, actually hurts. I knew it would happen. It, it's just numb. I feel numb."

"What are you saying Zavvi?"

"I-I'm happy for her. Grissom and her, they-they belong together. I just feel like I should feel something Ville."

A silence passed over the room. Her soft gray eyes met his emerald orbs, and in that instant, years of history flashed before her eyes.

Zavvi smiled gently.

"I- I've missed you Ville."

He smiled back.

"Go on, go and call Sara." He paused as she stood up, and started to walk towards the phone.

"Oh, and Zavvi - I never wanted to stop you working for the FBI. You're great at what you do. Friends?"

Her smile broke into a full blown grin. Everything was going to be okay.

* * *

"Hey." Zavvi's voice was quiet down the phone line.

"Hey." Sara nervously twisted her hair round her index finger, unsure of what to say.

"Sar. What have I told you about playing with your hair?" Zavvi's tone was teasing, as she imagined Sara spinning round, expecting for Zavvi to be stood there.

"Wait, what! How, how did you know?" Sara span round just as Zavvi mentally predicted.

"You do know what my job is right?" The pair easily slipped back into their easy banter.

"Haha, Miss FBI. You're a comedian."

"Actually, I'm a special agent. Although, I understand you're confusion, the two careers are very similar." Zavvi laughed.

"Shut up Zav." Sara grinned.

A silence fell upon the line, as they just listened to the other breathe.

"Sar-"  
"Zav-" They spoke at exactly the same time.

"God that was so cliche." Zavvi laughed.

"Tell me about it!" The CSI agreed with a grin.

"I guess we should talk."

The line went quiet again, as Zavvi said what they were both thinking.

"Sara?"

"Yeah. I guess we should." Her voice was impossibly small.

"Sara, it's okay." Zavvi sounded way stronger than she felt. Sara knew it was a mask, but she didn't quite know what Zavvi was masking. Was she upset? Was she drunk?

"I always knew you and Gil would end up together. Don't feel bad babes. And stop crying."

Sara wiped at her eye, she hadn't even noticed the salty water streaming down her cheek.

Choking out a laugh, Sara managed to reply "How did you know?"

Smiling sadly, Zavvi replied "I'm a profiler remember. Sara, babe, we'll always be friends. Nothing has to change. We just won't be all romantic anymore. But you can always rely on me. I'll still be there for you honey."

"Thank you Zavvi."

The FBI agent smiled slightly. "What for? It's the truth honey. We'll always be friends."

Sara smiled on the other end of the phone. "That we will. Always."

* * *

**So Sara & Gil get their happy ending, and Zavvi finally deals with the past. However, if that doesn't quite tickle your tastebuds, the next chapter is all about the lady-lovin' :D**

**Read & review? Pretty please? Even though I'm sucky at updating?**

_**Keep Cool x**_


	22. The Love Song Zavvi & Sara ending

**Hey all :)  
Nice t'see ya, t'see ya nice! Right, I assume we are all here for the same thing. Because chick-on-chick is hot. Face it, because we all know it's true :) **

**Well this seems to be the end of this lil' story, which is kinda sad, but also gives us all a little closure. However, please keep the reviews coming. They all mean a lot to me.  
Thanks goes to Kaylarea, for being the amazing angel-dropped-from-heaven-beta that she is :D  
and this is dedicated to nolongerstrong, for reasons already mentioned :) **

**Anyway, I hope you've all enjoyed this little journey - I know I have.  
Have a good New Year guys. **

**Enjoy :)**

**

* * *

**

*********PAY ATTENTION MINIONS! THIS IS THE SARA/ZAVVI ENDING!*******  
YOU CAN FIND THE SARA/GRISSOM ENDING IN THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER  
****However feel free to read both. Both end happily, I assure you :)**

_Chapter20 recap: Sara & Zavvi are about to get funkehh, when Grissom turns up all drunk and shouting. Zavvi leaves and turns up at Ville's hotel._

"Gil, sit down." Sara stood wrapped a dressing gown as she desperately tried to smooth her 'sex-hair' and disguise the fact he had literally interrupted what was going to be the best fuck of her life.

"Sara-"

"Gil, sit down, and we'll talk. Okay? Just, just sit down please."

He obeyed, despite his mind screaming to just kiss her. Talking could be postponed.

After a few seconds of awkward silence, Sara sighed. "Talk to me Griss. What happened to us, where are we right now? We used to be so close, but now I don't know where we stand. Tell me what you want from me Gil. Please."

Rubbing at his eyes, the CSI supervisor's shoulders dropped. "I - I don't know anymore Sara. I don't know where we are. I miss you."

"I miss you too Gil."

"We used to be such good friends. I want that back." Grissom looked deep into her mahogany eyes, his cobalt blue staring deep into her soul. He could see how much she loved Zavvi. He would always love her, but not in the way she felt for Zavvi. What he felt for her was much less primal. The thought instantly sobered him up.

"You love her, don't you Sara." It wasn't a question; he already knew the answer.

Breaking his gaze, Sara intensively studied the cushion in her lap, as she unconsciously twisted her hair round her finger. Zavvi always laughed at her for the nervous tick.

Silently, the brunette nodded.

"I'm happy for you Sara. I really am." Gil knew his love for the younger woman would never be as strong as the bond between Sara and the FBI agent.

"Really?" Her voice was small, the San Franciscan twang ringing true.

"Really." Grissom smiled. Maybe they were never meant to be.

Feeling rather awkward, Gil rubbed at his temples.

"I - I guess I better go. Sorry for barging in like that."

Sara smiled and finally met his gaze. "It's okay. We're okay now, and that's the important thing."

"I guess you should call Zavvi. Tell her I'm sorry. You guys are good together."

Standing up Gil moved to the door.

"Griss wait-" The CSI supervisor stopped and turned to look at her, blue eyes sparkling. "Thank you. It means a lot that you're okay with us."

"She makes you happy?" He asked.

"Very."

"Then I'm more than okay with it."

And with that, he left Sara sat alone on Zavvi's comfy couch.

* * *

_*Ring ring. ring ring.*_

Zavvi looked at the caller ID, surprised to see her own land line number flashing before her eyes.

Leaning back against the drivers car door, she pressed the phone to her ear.

"Sara?" her tone was quiet and gentle.

"Mmhmm. Okay babes. I'll be home soon. It's okay, I just gotta do something first."

Smiling slightly, Zavvi started to walk towards the hotel door.

"Okay babes, I won't be long. I promise."

Smiling as she shut off the phone, her knuckles rapped upon the wooden door.

As the tall, tattooed guy opened the door, Zavvi forced a smile.

"Ville."

"Zav? What are you doing here?" his Finnish accent compounded his words, as he slowly started to wake up.

"We need to talk." Her voice was clipped and professional.

Still half asleep, the dark-haired musician grunted in confusion.

"You need closure. Ville, honey what we had was wonderful. But that's in the past. We want different things in life. I'll always be here for you, but as a friend. I tried to forget you, I tried to move on, but you will always be part of who I am. And I will you. But babe, please, I'm happy. Don't ruin things now."

Smiling sadly, he nodded.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Ville, honey, can we put all this behind us. Friends?"

Mumbling slightly he nodded. "Friends."

Laughing, Zavvi grinned. "Right, I'll let you get back to your beauty sleep. God knows, you need it!"

"Oi! Just 'cos you're some bad-ass FBI agent, doesn't mean I can't still kick your ass." Ville winked. "If you ever get a craving for some proper lovin', give me a call yeah? Because lesbians can only have so much fun!"

Zavvi laughed, and gently punched him on the shoulder. "You so wish. I'll catch you around yeah?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "Yeah, I guess you will."

And with that, Zavvi turned on her heel and left. Back to Sara. Back to the woman she loved.

Ville smiled. Those two were going to make it.

There was just something about them.

* * *

Zavvi walked into the quiet apartment.

Sara was nowhere to be seen, however it was obvious she had been there. For starters, Zavvi's apartment had never been so clean.

Padding through into the bedroom, Zavvi was confused to find the room empty and the bed made. She slipped off her converse and dropped her jacket on the floor, before traipsing through to the kitchen.

Pouring herself a glass of red wine, Zavvi smiled as she figured out exactly where Sara was. However, the game was far too much fun to win so early.

Sitting on the counter top, she sighed loudly. "Ah. I wonder where Sara could possibly be. I've checked the bedroom, I do hope she has not left me."

Listening carefully, Zavvi heard Sara desperately try to stifle her laughter. Shaking her head at the child-like happiness, she stepped into the closet, squashed between the mop and the hoover. Shutting the door, she knew she wouldn't have to wait long.

Only minutes, she heard Sara pad into the kitchen, mutter something, and turn back. Assuming the brunette had left to check the bedroom, Zavvi quickly sneaked out and slipped into her "office".

Hearing Sara give up and step back into the Arabian Den of her private area, Zavvi grinned, pleased at being proved right.

Listening for Sara to shut the door, Zavvi once again slipped silently through the door, and wrapped her strong arms around Sara's midriff.

Feeling the brunette tense, Zavvi snickered. "Gotcha!" she whispered into Sara's citrus-scented, thick, brown hair.

The CSI twisted in Zav's grasp, smiling contently. "I'd ask you how you did that."

"But it would totally spoil my magical illusion." Zavvi completed the sentence.

"Mmmhmm," Sara murmured as she pulled her girlfriend in for a long, luscious kiss.

"Mmm, now that's how I like to be greeted." Zavvi whispered, as Sara's hands started to divest of her clothing.

"Now, where were we before we were interrupted," Sara whispered, desperate to feel skin-upon-skin.

"Hmm, I believe we were in the bedroom, however I think this is a much better space." Zavvi smiled.

Zavvi knew exactly why Sara had chosen to hide in this room. It was the one room in her whole apartment which showed the world exactly who Zavvi was. This time is was more than just sex. Sara had chosen this room because for the first time, they were going to make love. And to Sara, nothing represented Zavvi better than this room.

Sara started to unbutton Zavvi's blouse, but paused as Zavvi placed her hands over the her busy digits. "Sara, Sar- stop."

Confused, Sara's deep brown eyes sought Zavvi's reassuring gaze.

As the cool grey clashed with the chestnut brown, Zavvi smiled.

"Sara Sidle. You are the most amazing person I have ever met. You're kind, clever, compassionate, funny, exciting-"

"Zav-" Sara started.

"Shh, let me finish. You're beautiful, quick-witted, passionate. You're everything I wish I could be." Wiping a tear from the gentle, brown eyes, Zavvi smiled. "And that's why I'm in love with you Sara."

Sara gasped, as tears sparkled in her eyes.

"I - I love you too Zavvi Kerr."

Stood in silence for a second, the two women simply revelled in the moment.

Maintaining eye contact, Zavvi leaned in to kiss the CSI.

Smiling as their lips met, Zavvi couldn't help wrapping her arms tight around her lover.

That moment meant more than either of them could ever say.

In that one moment, everything was perfect.

* * *

**Blahhhh, happy endings. So much fluff *cough hack hack cough*  
Yuck, it feels like I just bathed in sugar and candy-floss, there's so much sweet stuff in this chapter. Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed the journey. **

**Do let me know which ending you preferred, it'd be really interesting in case I decide to do some form of sequel. Not that I'm planning to at the moment, however it may become a possibility if there's enough interest/I can be bothered ;)**

**Thankyou so much for reading though.  
_Keep Cool x _**


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